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Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v.1

Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1
It is true that in spite of many physical acitvities the inactive life style is becoming popular in the contemporary society. There are numerous health issues are caused by this type of lifestyle, and I can suggest some solutions to mitigate this issue. Due to sedentary life style people face various problems. Firstly, this life style causes of obesity. As people do not do physical activities, due to this fewer calories burn, and people become overweight. This obesity results in some health problems such as, diabities and heart dieseases. Secondly, constant sitting for long hours become a cause of spinal disorders. When indivduals work for long time without any active style their muscle tissues become loose becuase of this they have to suffer from backache. For exmple, a survey has proven that 80 % people suffer from backache once in a week. Despite some negative ramifications two possibel solutions can be suggested to reduce this problem. The first possible solution is to make people more active. As masses prefer to use cars as compare to walking or cycling. So people can be encouraged to do cycling and walking by adveritsing of benefits of such activities. Another possible solution is to provide physical activities in complex offices. This would encourage those employees who are unable to do physical activities because of their hectic schedule at workplace. To exmplify this, in two metro cities such as Delhi and Mumbai in my country, physical facilities which are provided by the compnies to their employees has reduced reduced health related issues drastically. Thus, doing this is more effective. In conclusion, while inactive life style making people more obese and causing of spinal disorders, but I believe that this can be minimized by providing physical acitivities in offices and advertising the adavantages of walking and cycling.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
Possible spelling mistake found.
acitvities
the inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
is becoming popular in the contemporary society. There are numerous health issues
are caused
by this type of lifestyle, and I can suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
to mitigate this issue.

Due to sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face various problems.
Firstly
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
causes of obesity. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, due to this fewer calories burn, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become overweight. This obesity results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health problems such as,
Possible spelling mistake found.
diabities
and heart
Possible spelling mistake found.
dieseases
.
Secondly
, constant sitting for long hours become a cause of spinal disorders. When
Possible spelling mistake found.
indivduals
work for long time without any active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
their muscle tissues become loose
Possible spelling mistake found.
becuase
of this they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer from backache. For
Possible spelling mistake found.
exmple
, a survey has proven that 80 %
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from backache once in a week.

Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ramifications two
Possible spelling mistake found.
possibel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
can
be suggested
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this problem. The
first
possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more active. As masses prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cars as compare to walking or cycling.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be encouraged
to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go cycling".
do cycling
and walking by
Possible spelling mistake found.
adveritsing
of benefits of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Another possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in complex offices. This would encourage those employees who are unable to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their hectic schedule at workplace. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
exmplify
this, in two metro cities such as Delhi and Mumbai in my country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
facilities which
are provided
by the
Possible spelling mistake found.
compnies
to their employees has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
health related issues
drastically
.
Thus
, doing this is more effective.

In conclusion
, while inactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more obese and causing of spinal disorders,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that this can
be minimized
by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
Possible spelling mistake found.
acitivities
in offices and advertising the
Possible spelling mistake found.
adavantages
of walking and cycling.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Despite a large number of gyms, a sedentary lifestyle is gaining popularity in the contemporary world. What problems are associated with this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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