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Some say that young people are not suitable for decision-making positions in governments; others however disagree. v.3

Some say that young people are not suitable for decision-making positions in governments; others however disagree. v. 3
We all know that higher the position, greater are the responsibilities and risk associated. Decision-making positions such as Prime Minister, Defence Minister, Defence Head, Chairman of Central Bank etc. are all associated with huge responsibilities and risks. A person in one of these positions should be mature and wise enough to make important decisions. There are few people who believe that young people should not be allowed to take responsibilities of these positions, while others feel contended that age cannot be a constraining factor for such positions. In this essay, we will discuss both of these two points of view and then present a well-critiqued opinion. Firstly, many people believe that young people are aggressive, impatient and less experienced. They can make a wrong decision which can be proved fatal for everyone. For example, it is often found the young people easily get carried away and try to resolve the issue with violence. On the other hand mature person often adopt a peaceful way to solve the matter. Thus considering the implication of the decision taken at a prime position is considered that young people are not suitable for these positions. They also think that without sufficient experience and capability of handling stress, those positions can’t be served. Another point which is often prescribed by this group is that young people are sometimes driven by their emotion which is unsuitable for a responsible position. On the other hand, many others feel that young people are more energetic, have fresh thinking and idea and they can drastically improve the nation’s position. For instance, Akbar was just 12 years old when he was sworn as a king and was considered as one of the best emperors of Mughal era. The above example and qualities do lead us to establish a link between young people and the growth of a nation. Thus, young people are considered a good choice for top positions. The young owners of successful IT businesses also prove their ability to handle top positions like these. In the last 10 years, the world has witnessed many successful leaders and entrepreneurs that eliminate any doubt we have regarding the ability of young people. Following the above discussion, it is felt that younger people are quite capable of handling the responsibility associated with a top position. However, to eliminate any risk we should allow young people to nurture under the guidance of experienced people for some time.
We all know that higher the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
, greater are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
associated. Decision-making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
such as Prime Minister,
Possible spelling mistake. 'Defence' is British English.
Defence
Minister,
Possible spelling mistake. 'Defence' is British English.
Defence
Head, Chairman of Central Bank etc. are all associated with huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. A person in one of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
should be mature and wise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decisions. There are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibilities
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
, while others feel contended that age cannot be a constraining factor for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
. In this essay, we will discuss both of these two points of view and then present a well-critiqued opinion.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are aggressive, impatient and less experienced. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decision which can
be proved
fatal for everyone.
For example
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
found the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
carried away and try to resolve the issue with violence. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand mature person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
adopt a peaceful way to solve the matter.
Thus
considering the implication of the decision taken at a prime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
is considered
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not suitable for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that without sufficient experience and capability of handling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
can’t
be served
. Another point which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
prescribed by this group is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
driven by their emotion which is unsuitable for a responsible position.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more energetic, have fresh thinking and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
idea and
they can
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the nation’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
.
For instance
, Akbar was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
12 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
when he
was sworn
as a king and
was considered
as one of the best emperors of Mughal era. The above example and qualities do lead us to establish a link between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the growth of a nation.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are considered
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice for top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
owners of successful IT businesses
also
prove their ability to handle top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
like these. In the last 10 years, the world has witnessed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
successful leaders and entrepreneurs that eliminate any doubt we have regarding the ability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Following the above discussion, it
is felt
that younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are quite capable of handling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
associated with a top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
.
However
, to eliminate any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to nurture under the guidance of experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that young people are not suitable for decision-making positions in governments; others however disagree. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
405 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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