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Some say that the internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together To what extent do to you agree that the internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another v.1

Some say that the internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together 1
In the current day, we can see that there are a lot of crimes have occurred and mostly the violation was committed in urban areas than in the countryside. This essay will explain the reasons of the high crime rate in the city areas and how can we reduce it. There are various reasons that crime rate often happens in urban districts. Firstly, in urban areas always crowed which is easy to commit a crime because everyone ignore others. For instance, thieves can easily to escape due to a lot of building for avoiding the police. Secondly, CBD has a higher cost of living than rural areas. A lot of people lost their jobs and no money for living. So, they decided to steal. Lastly, the millionaires always live in the city. Absolutely, thieves select rich people to steal or pick-pocketing because they can get high money at one time. There are many ways to reduce crime percentage, but the most important thing is the government should support people to get a job which can help them to have money by themselves. For example, if people have salary, they can buy everything that they want. Thus, they do not become a thief. Moreover, the government must strict the rule for person who commit a crime. They must arrest and go to jail. Furthermore, in terms of the city's population should always investigate people who have strange habit and seem to do something wrong. In conclusion, even crime rate is increasing, especially in urban areas, we can reduce it. If the countries have no misconduct, the countries will be calm and lead to peace.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
day, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
have occurred and
mostly
the violation
was committed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
than in the countryside. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reasons of the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate in the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and how can we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
it.

There are various reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
happens in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
districts.
Firstly
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
always crowed which is easy to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "ignores", "ignored".
ignore
others.
For instance
, thieves can
easily
to escape due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
building for avoiding the police.
Secondly
, CBD has a higher cost of living than rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lost their jobs and no money for living.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they decided to steal.
Lastly
, the millionaires always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the city.
Absolutely
, thieves select rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to steal or pick-pocketing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high money at one time.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
percentage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to have money by themselves.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have salary, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
everything that they want.
Thus
, they do not become a thief.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
strict the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
for person who commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
arrest and go to jail.
Furthermore
, in terms of the city's population should always investigate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have strange habit and seem to do something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.

In conclusion
, even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate is increasing,
especially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
it. If the countries have no misconduct, the countries will be calm and lead to peace.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that the internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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