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Some people feel that entertainers (e. g. film starts, pop musicians and sports starts) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other type of jobs should be highly paid? v.8

Some people feel that entertainers (e. g. film starts, pop musicians and sports starts) are paid too much money. Which other type of jobs should be highly paid? v. 8
People's overall weight has risen at a high rate in many countries around the globe, consequently, health and fitness have worsened noticeably. In this essay I will explain two reasons for this issue and what possible actions, I believe, could be applied to tackle this problem. The primary reason for weight gain is that people eat fast food for its accessibility and low cost. Take, for instance, office employees have a short lunch break and prefer spending less money and eating simple hamburgers or sandwiches on the go than sitting to have a fresh and nutritive salad. Regarding exercise, these days, it is harder for people to work out because of lack of time and fitness centres nearby. For example, my lunch break is 25 minutes long and the nearest gym is 2 kilometres away. Solutions for this include, healthier menus offered at schools and job offices in order to provide better options for daily lunches. For example, there could be fresh vegetarian sandwiches with whole wheat or multigrain bread. An approach to improve fitness could be that companies build sport facilities and give employees a place to exercise and the choice to use their break time as they wish, so an employee can use this time to have lunch or exercise. In conclusion, a sedentary lifestyle and poor nutrition are, essentially, the main reasons for the rise in obesity. Nevertheless, some solutions exist to tackle these issues, like companies offering a place to exercise and healthier menus in schools and offices.
People
's
overall
weight has risen at a high rate in
many
countries around the globe,
consequently
, health and fitness have worsened
noticeably
. In this essay I will
explain
two reasons for this issue and what possible actions, I believe, could
be applied
to tackle this problem.

The primary reason for weight gain is that
people
eat
fast
food for its accessibility and low cost. Take,
for instance
, office employees have a short lunch break and prefer spending less money and eating simple hamburgers or sandwiches on the go than sitting to have a fresh and nutritive salad. Regarding exercise, these days, it is harder for
people
to work out
because
of lack of time and fitness
centres
nearby.
For example
, my lunch break is 25 minutes long and the nearest gym is 2
kilometres
away.

Solutions for this include, healthier menus offered at schools and job offices in order to provide better options for daily lunches.
For example
, there could be fresh vegetarian sandwiches with whole wheat or multigrain bread. An approach to
improve
fitness could be that
companies
build sport facilities and give employees a place to exercise and the choice to
use
their break time as they wish,
so
an employee can
use
this time to have lunch or exercise.

In conclusion
, a sedentary lifestyle and poor nutrition are,
essentially
, the main reasons for the rise in obesity.
Nevertheless
,
some
solutions exist to tackle these issues, like
companies
offering a place to exercise and healthier menus in schools and offices.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers (e. g. film starts, pop musicians and sports starts) are paid too much money. Which other type of jobs should be highly paid? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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