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Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending sc v.7

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending sc v. 7
In recent years, trends have changed regarding housing standards. On one hand, some argue that houses are beneficial, however, others find apartments more advantageous. In this essay, we would discuss both the advantage and disadvantage of houses and apartments. TO embark on, the bungalows have safety concerns and need more vigilance when occupied. This is because as an individual you have to hire guards, install locking system and ascertain all details for your home. Furthermore, more maintenance expenses are required for keeping the place clean. However, in apartments these issues are not faced, because all the system for safety, cleaning and daily benefits are already being maintained. On the other hand, there are many benefits of the bungalows, like a lot of free space for parking, play and sit. Also, having land to grow flowers or vegetables, which is a very healthy option. For example, if we have a kitchen garden, we could teach our kids about the benefits and importance of kitchen gardening very well. Even so, more freedom from neighbours could be gained. To add on, easy accessibility for the elderly, as they get rid of climbing stairs that happens in buildings. Whereas, the buildings have limited space that does not us to easily park or children to play in the evening. As no gardening can happen, we become ignorant to natural habitats. TO conclude, more benefits of independent homes are there and it overcomes the multi-storey building based on many points, like security, maintenance, spacious and usage by elderly and many more, all these points are discussed in detail. In my opinion, living in the house has more benefits than drawbacks.
In recent years, trends have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
regarding housing standards. On one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
are beneficial,
however
, others find apartments more advantageous. In this essay, we would discuss both the advantage and disadvantage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and apartments.

TO embark on, the bungalows have safety concerns and need more vigilance when occupied. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as an individual you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
hire guards, install locking system and ascertain all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
for your home.
Furthermore
, more maintenance expenses
are required
for keeping the place clean.
However
, in apartments these issues are not faced,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all the system for safety, cleaning and daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
are already
being maintained
.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of the bungalows, like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
free space for parking, play and sit.
Also
, having land to grow flowers or vegetables, which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
healthy option.
For example
, if we have a kitchen garden, we could teach our kids about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and importance of kitchen gardening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, more freedom from
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
could
be gained
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on, easy accessibility for the elderly, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of climbing stairs that happens in buildings. Whereas, the buildings have limited space that does not
Did you mean "use"?
us
to
easily
park or children to play in the evening. As no gardening can happen, we become ignorant to natural habitats.

TO conclude
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of independent homes are there and it overcomes the
Possible spelling mistake found.
multi-storey
building based on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
points, like security, maintenance, spacious and usage by elderly and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more, all these points
are discussed
in detail. In my opinion, living in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
than drawbacks.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until they are six or seven years old. Others believe that is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending sc v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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