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In the past many people had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repairs to things in the house. In many countries, nowadays, skills like these are disappearing. Why do you think this change is happening? How far is this situation true in your v.1

In the past many people had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repairs to things in the house. In many countries, nowadays, skills like these are disappearing. Why do you think this change is happening? How far is this situation true in your v. 1
It is popular that lots of people make their choices work as a self-employed instead of working as an employee for enterprises or offices. This essay will first discuss which reasons contribute to the option of self-employing and it will address the negative effects it will probably bring. To start with, in modern societies, especially in China, entrepreneurship is considered to be successful and respectful so that the majority of adults are eager to set up their own business and become a successful entrepreneur. For example, since Ma Yun, the founder of Taobao, insisted on working for his enterprise, he has succeeded to be the richest man in China. Secondly, employment is just routine daily things to do whereas self-employment can be interesting work because of conducting one’s personal ideas and thought. Last but not least, if people have their own way of earning money, they would be working more flexibly than employment allows for. Although there are a various of beneficial to self-employed, we have to admit they will be anxious about their future when their business are encountering fierce competition, which is not good to family and society. For instance, The Time survey shows that approximately 10% shops are closing because of online stores. Thus, most of bosses are encountering financial problems even bankrupt. Moreover, entering trading means fight so anyone can not avoid struggling for worrying about the survival of their businesses even though they are running in good conditions. In conclusion, being self-employed has the opportunity to be a successful entrepreneur and exert individual intelligences and freedom in working rhyme so that a lot of adults make their decision not to be an employee of firms or offices anymore. However, self-employer will be always anxious about their business, which is social and family issu
It is popular that lots of
people
make
their choices work as a self-employed
instead
of
working
as an employee for enterprises or offices. This essay will
first
discuss which reasons contribute to the option of self-employing and it will address the
negative
effects it will
probably
bring.

To
start
with, in modern societies,
especially
in China, entrepreneurship
is considered
to be successful and respectful
so
that the majority of adults are eager to set up their
own
business
and become a successful entrepreneur.
For example
, since Ma
Yun
, the founder of Taobao, insisted on
working
for his enterprise, he has succeeded to be the richest
man
in China.
Secondly
, employment is
just
routine daily things to do whereas self-employment can be interesting work
because
of conducting one’s personal
ideas
and
thought
. Last
but
not least, if
people
have their
own
way of earning money, they would be
working
more
flexibly
than employment
allows
for.

Although there are
a various of
beneficial to self-employed, we
have to
admit they will be anxious about their future when their
business
are encountering fierce competition, which is not
good
to family and society.
For instance
, The Time survey
shows
that approximately 10% shops are closing
because
of online stores.
Thus
,
most of bosses
are encountering financial problems even bankrupt.
Moreover
, entering trading means fight
so
anyone can not avoid struggling for worrying about the survival of their
businesses
even though
they are running in
good
conditions.

In conclusion
, being self-employed has the opportunity to be a successful entrepreneur and exert individual intelligences and freedom in
working
rhyme
so
that
a lot of
adults
make
their decision not to be an employee of firms or offices anymore.
However
, self-employer will be always anxious about their
business
, which is social and family
issu
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past many people had skills such as making their own clothes and doing repairs to things in the house. In many countries, nowadays, skills like these are disappearing. Why do you think this change is happening? How far is this situation true in your v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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