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Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. To what extent do you agree that the internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another? v.1

Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. v. 1
Communication plays a vital role in each one of us lives. It makes us know better, how the world is modifying and progressing. I totally agree with the question given, where in Internet is taking world by storm. I will emphasize going forward, to what extent the Internet transformed people`s lives by connecting each other. First of all, I define Internet as a communication. It basically acts a connecting medium among two electronic computing devices. Furthermore, it brings all devices on earth to one common platform The Internet. As we know, many of us tend to know how the outside world is acting, Transforming and changing its colors. For Instance, Recently, when Kerala Floods occurred, Videos being shared on Social Networking sites the impact of Floods being uploaded, it awakened the humanity across the world and made them to extend their helping hands by donating them with new living. Secondly, World is progressing very fast and to keep in pace, one should follow new trends and developments and here comes the Internet in the first place to go. For Example, Some of the communicating mobile applications have a diverse portfolio, from social media to short news apps, from Youtube Videos to Facebook, From Mail Services to Short Messaging services making World small and accessible to connect each other. To Conclude with, Internet which includes fast Emerging Technologies, Social Media, and other communicating Applications satisfying the diverse interests of the people on earth and thus bringing them on a single platform, uniting them to make the World significantly smaller.
Communication plays a vital role in each one of us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us know better, how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is modifying and progressing. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the question
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, where in Internet is taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
by storm. I will emphasize going forward, to what extent the Internet transformed
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by connecting each other.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I define Internet as a communication. It
basically
acts a connecting medium among two electronic computing devices.
Furthermore
, it brings all devices on earth to one common platform The Internet. As we know,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us tend to know how the outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is acting, Transforming and changing its colors.
For Instance
, Recently, when Kerala Floods occurred, Videos
being shared
on Social Networking sites the impact of Floods
being uploaded
, it awakened the humanity across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and made them to extend their helping hands by donating them with new living.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
is progressing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in pace, one should follow new trends and developments and here
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the Internet in the
first
place to go.
For Example
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
communicating mobile applications have a diverse portfolio, from social media to short news apps, from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtube
Videos to Facebook, From Mail Services to Short Messaging services making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and accessible to connect each other.

To Conclude
with, Internet which includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
Emerging Technologies, Social Media, and other communicating Applications satisfying the diverse interests of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on earth and
thus
bringing them on a single platform, uniting them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
The extreme adjective for small is "tiny", or "minimal".
significantly smaller
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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