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Some say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. To what extent do you agree that the Internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another? v.4

Some say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. v. 4
With the advent of the world wide web, the world has turned into a global village where communication across the globe has become quite easy. However, I only partially agree that this has helped people communicate better because it has also led to some serious issues. If we look at the positive aspects, Internet has made communication faster as compared to what it was three decades ago. Unlike the old days, when people use to write letters and wait for replies for a very long span of time, emails have made communications instant. This to and fro messaging system has been proved advantageous for various businesses. Secondly, it also gives a feeling that, no person is far now. For instance, my sister who studies in Ireland is in regular contact with us and we do regular video chats with her. Consequently, my parents are less concerned about her well being and it also gives a feeling that she is close to us. On the contrary, this mode of communication has given rise to various social issues. Some juveniles, these days, are so much engrossed in chatting on social networking websites such as Facebook, that they are turning anti-social. They prefer interacting with unknown strangers over the Internet, rather than their loved ones around them. Additionally, a few people also get in touch with some wrong influential people and get involved in illegal activities as no sanity check or background check is done on them before they start chatting with them. In conclusion, although the internet has made it possible to communicate to a person with just a click of a button, it has given rise to various new issues which can have detrimental effects on a person's life. Hence, we should be cautious while chatting over the Internet and should investigate about unknown people before start interacting with them.
With the advent of the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
, the world has turned into a global village where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
across the globe has become quite easy.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
communicate better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has
also
led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious issues.

If we look at the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects, Internet has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
faster as compared to what it was three decades ago. Unlike the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
write letters and wait for replies for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long span of time, emails have made communications instant. This to and fro messaging system has
been proved
advantageous for various businesses.
Secondly
, it
also
gives a feeling that, no person is far
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
For instance
, my sister who studies in Ireland is in regular contact with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
us and
we do regular video chats with her.
Consequently
, my parents are less concerned about her
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
and it
also
gives a feeling that she is close to us.

On the contrary
, this mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to various social issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
juveniles, these days, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much engrossed in chatting on social networking websites such as Facebook, that they are turning anti-social. They prefer interacting with unknown strangers over the Internet,
rather
than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones around them.
Additionally
, a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
influential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in illegal activities as no sanity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
or background
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
is done
on them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
chatting with them.

In conclusion
, although the internet has made it possible to communicate to a person with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click of a button, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to various new issues which can have detrimental effects on a person's life.
Hence
, we should be cautious while chatting over the Internet and should investigate about unknown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
interacting with them.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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