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Some say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. To what extent do to you agree that the Internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another? v.1

Some say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. v. 1
A global village, that is certainly what the world feels like nowadays. With the help of the world wide web, you can reach out and get to know people you might never have met in person. Articles can be co-authored, business deals can be finalized, degrees can be earned and at times even medical advice can be given- and all of this is just a click away. Electronic mail, instant messages, web cameras and microphones; all these gadgets and programs make the presence of the other person more real. Who knows; with the help of visual reality you might even get a 3-D image of the speaker! I believe that the Internet is one the best inventions of the last century, you can hardly get to miss anyone and nobody is really out of reach. You can keep in touch with your friends, and be able to do your work from your bedroom in your pajamas! However, the internet can also be a major source of harassment. Spammers and hackers can invade your privacy and get personal/confidential information, which otherwise they will never get access to. You are never out of anybody’s reach, unless you make a conscious decision of not checking your email, there can be always more work waiting for you in your inbox and you might never have a moment to yourself. Worse yet, if you were a workaholic, you might never experience that stress-free vacation ever again in your life – simply, because you have your mobile workplace with you at all times. As a romantic, I will always look forward to getting an occasional letter in the snail mail. A personal letter, where I can sense the mood of the writer by the slants in his/her handwriting and get to know him/her better. But as a type A personality person, the internet gives me all what I dream of in terms of communication – the speed, reliability, and convenience of time and place. I can certainly tolerate its shortcomings any day, as long as it keeps me close to my loved ones.
A global village,
that is
certainly
what the world feels like nowadays. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
, you can reach out and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
never have met in person. Articles can be co-authored, business deals can
be finalized
, degrees can
be earned
and at times even medical advice can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
- and all of this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a click away.

Electronic mail, instant messages, web cameras and microphones; all these gadgets and programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the presence of the other person more real. Who knows; with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of visual reality you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a 3-D image of the speaker! I believe that the Internet is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the best inventions of the last century, you can hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to miss anyone and nobody is
really
out of reach. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with your friends, and be able to do your work from your bedroom in your pajamas!

However
, the internet can
also
be a major source of harassment. Spammers and hackers can invade your privacy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
personal/confidential information, which
otherwise
they will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to. You are never out of anybody’s reach, unless you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a conscious decision of not checking your email, there can be always more work waiting for you in your inbox and you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
never have a moment to yourself. Worse
yet
, if you were a workaholic, you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
never experience that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free vacation ever again in your life
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
simply
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you have your mobile workplace with you at all times.

As a romantic, I will always look forward to getting an occasional letter in the snail mail. A personal letter, where I can sense the mood of the writer by the slants in his/her handwriting and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know him/her better.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
as a type A personality person, the internet gives me all what I dream of in terms of communication
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
the speed, reliability, and convenience of time and place. I can
certainly
tolerate its shortcomings any day, as long as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
me close to my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some say that the Internet is making the world smaller by bringing people together. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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