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Some say that rich countries should help poor countries with food and education. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience. v.4

Some say that rich countries should help poor countries with food and education. v. 4
There are some countries the systems of food, education and health needs improvements. Some people find out that richer nations should take responsibility of helping poor countries with their development. However, other people are sure that every country takes care of their systems independently. Nowadays, the countries whole over the world divided into two categories: developed and developing countries and the main difference between them is the amount of money they have and the level of progress of their social systems. A lot of poorer nations are buried in debts because of their situation of lack of resources or inefficient strategy and management, which leads unstable status of their balance which directly reflects poor health care and food chain system, unstructured education system and weak international trade and exchange. There are two scenarios to get out of this cyclic process which buries countries deeper. First, such countries will take serious action on development of their systems by planning the near future, introducing several short term and long term strategies and take actions step by step to reach the results. Second, some richer, industrialized countries show their interest in poorer countries and lend a helping hand to lift up their recession. By going first scenario, poor countries try to borrow money from different countries or international bank to improve or fix their broken economy, systems. However, sometimes such money disappears or will not give results and country goes deeper in debt, because of inefficient planning or spending budget. In the second scenario richer, countries try to help poor countries with financial aids, loans and other aid to grow the economy of poor countries. However, it is not proven way to help them. Instead, it is better to help poor countries by giving the economic and social opportunities, fix their export and sharing knowledge, experience and other non-material resources. In conclusion, industrialized countries play a crucial role in the development of economical and social factors of developing countries. However, aid could be more efficient if it is not material directly. Consequently, their aid could be helpful developing countries to overcome obstacles by their own
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
of food, education and health needs improvements.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find out that richer nations should take responsibility of helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with their development.
However
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are sure that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
takes care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
independently
.

Nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
whole over the world divided into two categories: developed and developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and the main difference between them is the amount of money they have and the level of progress of their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
poorer nations
are buried
in debts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their situation of lack of resources or inefficient strategy and management, which leads unstable status of their balance which
directly
reflects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
health care and food chain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, unstructured education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
and weak international trade and exchange. There are two scenarios to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of this cyclic process which buries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
deeper.
First
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will take serious action on development of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
by planning the near future, introducing several short term and long term strategies and take actions step by step to reach the results. Second,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
richer, industrialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their interest in poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and lend a helping hand to
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "lift".
lift up
their recession.

By going
first
scenario,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
try to borrow money from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
or international bank to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
their broken economy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
such money disappears or will not give results and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
goes deeper in debt,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of inefficient planning or spending budget. In the second scenario richer,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
, loans and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to grow the economy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, it is not
Please check whether an article is missing: "a proven".
proven
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them.
Instead
, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by giving the economic and social opportunities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
their export and sharing knowledge, experience and other non-material resources.

In conclusion
, industrialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
play a crucial role in the development of economical and social factors of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
could be more efficient if it is not material
directly
.
Consequently
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
could be helpful developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to overcome obstacles by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some say that rich countries should help poor countries with food and education. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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