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Some people say that rich nations should help poor countries with their basic needs like food and education while others oppose the idea and argue that the poor nation themselves should try to improve their condition. Do you agree with the idea that rich v.1

Some people say that rich nations should help poor countries with their basic needs like food and education while others oppose the idea and argue that the poor nation themselves should try to improve their condition. Do you agree with the idea that rich v. 1
While some people argue that job is guaranteed when they completed a degree from the academy, others take the view without studying to gain experience of work. My opinion is that it is better to complete the degree from the educational institution. On one side of argument, that there are people who hold the opinion that finding a job without certificate will improve their lifestyle. The major reason to believe is that cost of education is very high in now a days. When the people grow up, starting from school to university parents needs to spend more money for certification courses. As a result, parents need to earn more wages by working long hours and this will lead to many health problems. Another reason is that grading system in the education environment. The students facing difficulties in order to achieve higher grades and for that they need to attend many tutorial classes. The Asian countries are prime examples where 80% of students learn additional courses to increase their score percentage. Despite the above arguments, I hold the position that to find the best job the people should learn in the educational institution. Indeed, one reason why I take this point is that they will learn many subjects such as information technology, electrical, electronics, mechanical courses. These courses will improve their knowledge and they could be able to find a good position in various sectors. Furthermore, it is my opinion that many universities conduct the overseas training for many students which will increase their working exposure. The national technical university in Singapore provides attach and learn programmes for their students and the admission rate surge from 70% to 80%. In conclusion, while both views are commonly held in society, I believe that the career is guaranteed by studying in the university. This is because that people will learn different subjects and more exposure in the society. Given this situation, it is recommended that education is more important in order to find position in reputed companies
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that job
is guaranteed
when they completed a degree from the academy, others take the view without studying to gain experience of work. My opinion is that it is better to complete the degree from the educational institution.

On one side of argument, that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who hold the opinion that finding a job without certificate will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their lifestyle. The major reason to believe is that cost of education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high in
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
grow up, starting from school to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
parents needs to spend more money for certification
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
As a result
, parents need to earn more wages by working long hours and this will lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems. Another reason is that grading system in the education environment. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
facing difficulties in order to achieve higher grades and for that they need to attend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tutorial classes. The Asian countries are prime examples where 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
to increase their score percentage.

Despite the above arguments, I hold the position that to find the best job the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
in the educational institution.
Indeed
, one reason why I take this point is that they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
subjects such as information technology, electrical, electronics, mechanical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
knowledge and
they could be able to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
position in various sectors.
Furthermore
, it is my opinion that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
conduct the overseas training for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which will increase their working exposure. The national technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in Singapore provides attach and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and the admission rate surge from 70% to 80%.

In conclusion
, while both views are
commonly
held in society, I believe that the career
is guaranteed
by studying in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects and more exposure in the society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, it
is recommended
that education is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in order to find position in reputed
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
companies
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that rich nations should help poor countries with their basic needs like food and education while others oppose the idea and argue that the poor nation themselves should try to improve their condition. Do you agree with the idea that rich v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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