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Some people say that rich nations should help poor countries with their basic needs like food and education while others oppose the idea and argue that the poor nation themselves should try to improve their condition. Do you agree with the idea that rich and developed nations should help the poor nations? v.3

Some people say that rich nations should help poor countries with their basic needs like food and education while others oppose the idea and argue that the poor nation themselves should try to improve their condition. Do you agree with the idea that rich and developed nations should help the poor nations? v. 3
Today’s world is divided into industrialised and developing countries, where the main difference between them is the amount of money they spend on the healthcare system, education and   infrastructures. Most citizens in developing nations live under the poverty line and, in my opinion, rich countries have the ability and should take up the responsibility of supporting them. It is true that governments of developing nations should take care of their citizens. However, since those countries are buried into debts as a result of unbalances finances, Rich countries are more equipped to help fewer fortune nations than their own governments. For example, industrialised countries can help poorer nations with some loans or grants that enable them paying off their debts. In addition, many poor countries live in subhuman conditions because of extreme poverty and epidemic diseases like AIDS and Cholera. They lack the knowledge and the sufficient medical resources to tackle such problems. However developed countries can donate them free medicines and send skilled doctors and nurses. On the other hand, people from many developing countries migrate to wealthy nations to study or to work. Rich countries benefit out of those foreigners. For example, many immigrants to France and the UK have proved themselves in those countries by working hard. But on the other side, the economies of immigrants’ countries get worse because their countries lose them while they are needed to lead their nations to a better future. Therefore, it seems to be sensible that rich countries support the immigrants’ home countries. In conclusion, I believe it would be difficult to see any progress in the economy of developing countries without the cooperation of rich nations.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s world
is divided
into
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, where the main difference between them is the amount of money they spend on the healthcare system, education and
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
infrastructures. Most citizens in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
under the poverty line and, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have the ability and should take up the responsibility of supporting them.

It is true that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should take care of their citizens.
However
, since those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are buried
into debts
as a result
of unbalances finances,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are more equipped to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
fewer fortune
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
loans or grants that enable them paying off their debts.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in subhuman conditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of extreme poverty and epidemic diseases like AIDS and Cholera. They lack the knowledge and the sufficient medical resources to tackle such problems.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can donate them free medicines and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
skilled doctors and nurses.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
migrate to wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to study or to work.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
benefit out of those foreigners.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
immigrants to France and the UK have proved themselves in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on the other side, the economies of immigrants’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
lose them while they
are needed
to lead their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to a better future.
Therefore
, it seems to be sensible that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
support the immigrants’ home countries.

In conclusion
, I believe it would be difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
any progress in the economy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
without the cooperation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that rich nations should help poor countries with their basic needs like food and education while others oppose the idea and argue that the poor nation themselves should try to improve their condition. Do you agree with the idea that rich and developed nations should help the poor nations? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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