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Some say that rich countries should help poor countries with food and education. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience. v.1

Some say that rich countries should help poor countries with food and education. v. 1
Some people claim that developed nations should support undeveloped ones in terms of food and education. I mostly agree with this statement because these helps are not costly for the developed countries, but beneficial to establish a more secure and happy world. Firstly, because most developed countries have great agricultural production and long experience in education, helping poor countries in those areas will not be be difficult for them. They can provide agricultural machines and engineers to improve agriculture; teachers and scientist can can help educational development of these poor countries. There are a lot of educated people who willing to work in the undeveloped areas of the world. Governments can encourage these people as well. Scholarships to young people. Thus, it is easily solved teaching and poverity problems of undeveloped nations by rich countries. When poor nations raised more educated and skilled manpower, they can establish democracy and the World will be safer. Those countries would become more stable and their citizens do not want to imigrate; besides that, they do not support illegal organisations such as some criminal and terror groups. In addition to social issues, most transmissible diseases from the poor nations will decline. Happiness and satisfaction level of their life will be better when they are not hungry and get enough education. Hence, it is clear at that time we will live in a better World. To conclude, I believe that helping poor nations are very beneficial for us and it is easy for rich nations, so that nations will be more contented in a safer environment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should support undeveloped ones in terms of food and education. I
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
are not costly for the developed
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countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
beneficial to establish a more secure and happy world.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have great agricultural production and long experience in education, helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in those areas will not
Possible typo: you repeated a word
be be
difficult for them. They can provide agricultural machines and engineers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
agriculture; teachers and scientist can can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
educational development of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who willing to work in the undeveloped areas of the world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
can encourage these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
. Scholarships to young
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people
.
Thus
, it is
easily
solved teaching and
Possible spelling mistake found.
poverity
problems of undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
by rich countries.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
raised more educated and skilled manpower, they can establish democracy and the World will be safer. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would become more stable and their citizens do not want to
Possible spelling mistake found.
imigrate
;
besides
that, they do not support illegal
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
criminal and terror groups.
In addition
to social issues, most transmissible diseases from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
will decline. Happiness and satisfaction level of their life will be better when they are not hungry and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
education.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
at that time we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a better World.

To conclude
, I believe that helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for us and it is easy for rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
will be more contented in a safer environment.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Some say that rich countries should help poor countries with food and education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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