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It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together. v. 1
In today's world, technology and culture have become an inextricable aspects because technology is leaving its imprint on culture. However, some opine that with the advancement in technology, traditional values and cultures are in jeopardy, thus cannot go together. Here, I partially accord with this statement. To begin with, technology has oversimplified many things on account of which people are now able to comprehend several complicated things such as cultures, values and so on, in a better way due to manifold reasons. Firstly, technology facilitates someone to conveniently understand the culture because earlier, it was a pipe dream for people to know about culture, but now the roots of culture can be easily dug out, thereby one can become more intellectually sharp and aware. On the top of that, many people face several problems in visiting various cultural places owing to health issues, financial problems and many more, but now anyone can easily feel experience of cultural places by using technology, because every cultural place with full detail is available on the internet, which is again a best way to know a culture. However, one cannot procrastinate the negative sides of technology on culture. Technology has made people more cynical and lethargic due to which people are no more active to even think about their culture, which seems very pathetic. Furthermore, changes in the mindset of people are the result of advance technology, which in turn has made people to not give more importance to their cultures and traditions, which is again a horrendous situation. For instance, it has noticed in many surveys that people prefer to spend more time on technology, rather than doing cultural activities. In conclusion, I reckon one cannot be successful as long as he/she does not know his/her culture because cultures are the way of life.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
have become an inextricable
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "aspect"?
aspects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is leaving its imprint on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opine that with the advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, traditional values and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are in jeopardy,
thus
cannot go together. Here, I
partially
accord with this statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has oversimplified
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things on account of which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
able to comprehend several complicated things such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, values and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, in a better way due to manifold reasons.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
facilitates someone to
conveniently
understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
earlier, it was a pipe dream for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the roots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
can be
easily
dug out, thereby one can become more
intellectually
sharp and aware. On the top of that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face several problems in visiting various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
places owing to health issues, financial problems and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
anyone can
easily
feel experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
places by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
place with full detail is available on the internet, which is again
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best way to know a culture.

However
, one cannot procrastinate the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more cynical and lethargic due to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are no more active to even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, which seems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
pathetic.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the mindset of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the result of advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, which in turn has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to not give more importance to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and traditions, which is again a horrendous situation.
For instance
, it has noticed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
surveys that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to spend more time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
rather
than doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
activities.

In conclusion
, I reckon one cannot be successful as long as he/she does not know his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are the way of life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay It is inevitable that as technology advances, traditional cultures will be lost. It seems that we cannot have these two things together. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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