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Some people believe that music should be taught in school, while others think that it is best to focus on science and computer. Do you agree or Disagree? v.2

Some people believe that music should be taught in school, while others think that it is best to focus on science and computer. v. 2
It is often debatable that primary education should contain cultural arts like music, whereas most of the parents want their kids to focus more on Technical subjects like Science and computers, as World is running behind it. I agree that priority has to be given to Science. However, equal importance has to be given to music, as it acts as a stress-buster to young minds. It is obvious that most of the parents want their children to get succeed in the scientific areas by becoming Engineers or Doctors. To achieve this, they want them to get a strong foundation by focusing more on respective areas in the primary education itself. Due to this kind of learning atmosphere, students are getting strained and over-burdened. In addition to this, innovative thinking is getting diminished in them because of mugging up their studies, which is not beneficial in achieving their goals. When there is dedicated time is allotted to cultural courses like music, singing, dancing in their academic curriculum, pupils get refreshed by learning any of the cultural activity of their interest. It aids in bonding with like-minded students and also enhances their creativity at a tender age is itself. They can also pursue it as a career option if they are not able to excel in technical areas. To recapitulate, even though Technical education is vital in primary academics, guardians have to identify their kin's areas of interest and give parallel priority to recreation as well in their education. Both the School administrations and parents have to work together for their students' betterment.
It is
often
debatable that primary education should contain cultural arts like music, whereas most of the parents want their kids to focus more on Technical subjects like Science and computers, as World is running behind it. I
agree
that priority
has to
be
given
to Science.
However
, equal importance
has to
be
given
to music, as it acts as a
stress
-buster to young minds.

It is obvious that most of the parents want their children to
get
succeed in the scientific areas by becoming Engineers or Doctors. To achieve this, they want them to
get
a strong foundation by focusing more on respective areas in the primary education itself. Due to this kind of learning atmosphere, students are getting strained and over-burdened.
In addition
to this, innovative thinking is getting diminished in them
because
of mugging up their studies, which is not beneficial in achieving their goals.

When there
is dedicated
time
is allotted
to cultural courses like music, singing, dancing in their academic curriculum, pupils
get
refreshed by learning any of the cultural activity of their interest. It aids in bonding with like-minded students and
also
enhances their creativity at a tender age is itself. They can
also
pursue it as a career option if they are not able to excel in technical areas.

To recapitulate,
even though
Technical education is vital in primary academics, guardians
have to
identify their kin's areas of interest and give parallel priority to recreation
as well
in their education.

Both the School administrations and parents
have to
work together for their students' betterment.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that music should be taught in school, while others think that it is best to focus on science and computer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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