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Some say that people living in high-rise apartments are lonely and unhappy, while others say that it’s advantageous to stay in high-rise apartments. v.2

Some say that people living in high-rise apartments are lonely and unhappy, while others say that it’s advantageous to stay in high-rise apartments. v. 2
Some would argue that individuals living in high-storeys feel alone and miserable, while others say that residing in high-rise building has merits. While people who live in high-rise buildings have less neighbours, I believe that it is advantageous to stay in these buildings as they provide all the amenities under one roof. On the one hand, individuals living in high-rise apartments often feel alone and unhappy because they have a smaller number of neighbours. That is to say, many people buy flats to invest their money and create an asset for their future. This means that they do not actually live in those apartments which reduces the number of people to interact. As a result, people feel isolated and disconnected many times. To illustrate, a recent survey by the Times of India revealed that the occupancy level in high-rise buildings has reduced by 20% as people buy flats in these places for financial security. However, people can enjoy the modern facilities that these buildings provide. On the other hand, residing in high-rise buildings has merits as people have access to the state-of-art facilities at one place. In other words, these buildings offer a majority of recreational activities such as swimming pool, gym and play area within their building premises which makes it convenient for people to enjoy them at a single place. Thus, they do not have to travel anywhere to enjoy these facilities. For instance, 35% of people prefer staying in high-rise apartments as they have all the modern facilities that they look for to enjoy themselves along with their family. I believe this school of thought is preferable to me because it not only saves time but also money as people have everything available within their society. In conclusion, although people who reside in modern high-rise buildings feel aloof and unhappy as there are a limited number of neighbours, staying in these buildings provides them the accessibility to all the latest amenities at a single place.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would argue that individuals living in
Possible spelling mistake found.
high-storeys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
alone and miserable, while others say that residing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
has merits. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun neighbours is countable.
less
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
, I believe that it is advantageous to stay in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
as they provide all the amenities under one roof.

On the one hand, individuals living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-rise
apartments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
alone and unhappy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have a smaller number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
That is
to say,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
flats to invest their money and create an asset for their future. This means that they do not actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in those apartments which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
isolated and disconnected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times. To illustrate, a recent survey by
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
the Times of India
revealed that the occupancy level in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by 20% as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
flats in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
for financial security.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
the modern facilities that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
provide.

On the other hand
, residing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
has merits as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have access to the state-of-art facilities at one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
In other words
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
offer a majority of recreational activities such as swimming pool, gym and play area within their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
premises which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it convenient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
them at a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
Thus
, they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel anywhere to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
these facilities.
For instance
, 35% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer staying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-rise
apartments as they have all the modern facilities that they look for to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
themselves along with their family. I believe this school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
is preferable to me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
saves time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
money as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have everything available within their society.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who reside in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high-rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
aloof and unhappy as there are a limited number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
, staying in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
provides them the accessibility to all the latest amenities at a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that people living in high-rise apartments are lonely and unhappy, while others say that it’s advantageous to stay in high-rise apartments. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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