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many people think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise while others believe that all companies should have the right to advertise. v.1

many people think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise while others believe that all companies should have the right to advertise. v. 1
Nowadays, parents believe that education is the priority for their children to secure a better future as it enables them to find a high-salaried job. However, in this competitive world, students are required to have higher educations in order for them to achieve success. Therefore, many parents believe that their children should sacrifice their precious free time to do educational activities, which allows them to gain more knowledge. While I agree with the idea that doing educational activities during free time will help students to be more competitive, I believe that in this way children are under significant pressure. On the one hand, there are a variety of distinct advantages for students to enrol in educational activities during their free time. Firstly, by satisfying free time to study, children can gain a deeper understanding about their study, and consequently, it will be advantaged for children as they can become more competitive with other students in order to be enrolled into their courses. For example, if children want to be a part of tertiary education in these tertiary institutions, it is essential for them to spend more time to study. Therefore, it is apparent that children should utilise their free time for doing more educational activities in order to get into a better institution in the future. On the other hand, many people argued that forcing children to give up their leisure time will cause children to suffer severe pressure. Every student already has a significant amount of homework and assessment that are required for them to complete, it is crucial for students to enjoy leisure time and relax. Although children can be more talented by doing more study, it is also essential for children to play and participate in other extracurricular activities, which offer a chance for children to improve their mental and physical growth. In conclusion, replacing student’s leisure time by educational activities offer a pathway for students to be more competitive with other students. However, most of the students already have an excessive amount of assessment for them to complete, and sacrifices their free time may cause students to suffer pressure.
Nowadays, parents believe that education is the priority for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to secure a better future as it enables them to find a high-salaried job.
However
, in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are required
to have higher educations in order for them to achieve success.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents believe that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should sacrifice their precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to gain more knowledge. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
, I believe that in this way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are under significant pressure.

On the one hand, there are a variety of distinct advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to enrol in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Firstly
, by satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can gain a deeper understanding about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, and
consequently
, it will
be advantaged
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they can become more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in order to
be enrolled
into their courses.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to be a part of tertiary education in these tertiary institutions, it is essential for them to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Therefore
, it is apparent that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for doing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into a better institution in the future.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argued that forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to give up their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to suffer severe pressure. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
already has a significant amount of homework and assessment that
are required
for them to complete, it is crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to enjoy leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and relax. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be more talented by doing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, it is
also
essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play and participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, which offer a chance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mental and physical growth.

In conclusion
, replacing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
offer a pathway for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitive
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
already have an excessive amount of assessment for them to complete, and sacrifices their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
may cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to suffer pressure.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
62Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay many people think that fast food companies should not be allowed to advertise while others believe that all companies should have the right to advertise. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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