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The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.13

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? v. 13
I strongly agree with the view that the average person is likely to have declining health in the coming days. There are many reasons for this, especially the lack of time to lead a healthy life, stress at work or school affecting mental health, and the increased amount of screen time damaging vision. Moreover, this trend seems to worsen with every passing day. This essay will discuss these factors in detail. Firstly, one does not get enough time these days to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Due to immense amount of pressure at work or classes, the average person tends to ignore one's health. For instance, people do not find the time to exercise or prepare healthy meals and therefore they skip the gym and buy fast-food. Research has shown that performing a minimum of 30 minutes of exercise per week and having a balanced diet is important for good health, but people are unable to do this due to their busy schedules. Another reason for declining health is stress which affects the mental state. For example, at my workplace, I usually have tight deadlines at times, and this makes me anxious and sometimes depressed. Scientists have consistently proven that mental well-being is as important as good physical health. When I am in stressful situations, I have found that I lose appetite, have mood swings, and have a less willingness to do tasks, which affects my productivity and my physical health as well. Finally, as our dependence on computers and mobile phones has increased considerably in this age and potentially more so in the future, we spend most of our waking hours staring at screens. Research has demonstrated that this behaviour is not ideal for our eyes. To illustrate an example, I read an article recently which claims that the last thing 80% of the people in my country she is their mobile phone screen. It was also mentioned that doing so has a strong effect on eyes given by the fact that the amount of people who need prescription glasses is rising every year. To conclude, the average person will undergo a drop in his or her health in the future as compared to today because we are taking less time to focus on our health, leading stressful lives that affects our mental health, and damaging our vision by looking at screens for large amounts of time.
I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view that the average person is likely to have declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the coming days. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for this,
especially
the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to lead a healthy life,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
at work or school affecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, and the increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
damaging vision.
Moreover
, this trend seems to worsen with every passing day. This essay will discuss these factors in detail.

Firstly
, one does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
these days to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Due to immense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of pressure at work or classes, the average person tends to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not find the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to exercise or prepare healthy meals and
therefore
they skip the gym and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food. Research has shown that performing a minimum of 30 minutes of exercise per week and having a balanced diet is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to do this due to their busy schedules.

Another reason for declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
which affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
state.
For example
, at my workplace, I
usually
have tight deadlines at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me anxious and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
depressed. Scientists have
consistently
proven that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
well-being is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. When I am in stressful situations, I have found that I lose appetite, have mood swings, and have a less willingness
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
to do
tasks, which affects my productivity and my physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as well
.

Finally
, as our dependence on computers and mobile phones has increased
considerably
in this age and
potentially
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in the future, we spend most of our waking hours staring at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
. Research has demonstrated that this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is not ideal for our eyes. To illustrate an example, I read an article recently which claims that the last thing 80% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in my country she is their mobile phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
. It was
also
mentioned that doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
has a strong effect on eyes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who need prescription glasses is rising every year.

To conclude
, the average person will undergo a drop in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the future as compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are taking less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to focus on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, leading stressful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
that affects our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, and damaging our vision by looking at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
for large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amounts
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? v. 13

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
397 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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