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Some say that only people born with certain talents should practice arts such as music, painting, and poetry. Others, however, think that anyone can participate in these activities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some say that only people born with certain talents should practice arts such as music, painting, and poetry. Others, however, think that anyone can participate in these activities. v. 2
Whether arts knowledge belongs to talented individuals or not is a controversial argument. However, many of the prosperous people have productive and inherent talent, but there are numerous evidence which indicates that ordinary people can be successful on arts activities if they devote their time to more training and practising. In one hand, the crucial factor in learning arts is that we should not ignore and neglect the particular diving gifts. In fact, regarding scientific evidence, the most vital and essential ingredient to achieve a goal is the inner talent. For example, the top three pianists did not have academic experience and certificate, but their relics are a masterpiece. In addition, some of them had a disability such as an eye and hear impairing and they had to struggle with the usual and simple daily routines. I contend that talent plays a vital role in learning and gaining arts knowledge, nevertheless, practice in any field is the integral part and important point in achievements. On the other hand, the determinative question is that there is no chance for other enthusiast people to train arts. With regard to facts and figures, if you want to meet your needs in arts aspects; you have to work harder than the other one who is talented in the related subject. In another word, the more successful attainments, the more work needs. From my point of view, motivating people can enter to the art universities or colleges and study in interesting subjects and then, address all requirements. In conclusion, however, talent in art is a fundamental item to flourish our eagerness, but we can accommodate our art needs by studying in art schools and universities and working hard in comparison with talented people.
Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
knowledge belongs to talented individuals or not is a controversial argument.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have productive and inherent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are numerous evidence which indicates that ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be successful on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
activities if they devote their time to more training and
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
.

In one hand, the crucial factor in learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is that we should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
and neglect the particular diving gifts. In fact, regarding scientific evidence, the most vital and essential ingredient to achieve a goal is the inner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
.
For example
, the top three pianists did not have academic experience and certificate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their relics are a masterpiece.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them had a disability such as an eye and hear
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
impairing and
they had to struggle with the usual and simple daily routines. I contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
plays a vital role in learning and gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
knowledge,
nevertheless
, practice in any field is the integral part and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point in achievements.

On the other hand
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
determinative
question is that there is no chance for other enthusiast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. With regard to facts and figures, if you want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
your needs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
aspects; you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work harder than the other one who
is talented
in the related subject. In another word, the more successful attainments, the more work needs. From my point of view, motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can enter to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
universities or colleges and study in interesting subjects and then, address all requirements.

In conclusion
,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a fundamental item to flourish our eagerness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can accommodate our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
needs by studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
schools and universities and working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in comparison
with talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that only people born with certain talents should practice arts such as music, painting, and poetry. Others, however, think that anyone can participate in these activities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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