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Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary school to universities, too much time spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary school to universities, too much time spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. v. 2
It is true that the most of schools and higher degree institutes dedicate their time to learn about basic science in any fields, however, to some extent I believe that it should better set up modern and reliable techniques for pupils coincide with their indoor classes. Nowadays, the majority of parents argue that the conventional guidelines of teaching have an awful influence on their children’s life. They come up by demonstrating several reasons. Firstly, one of the biggest concerns of them is a lack of the trained recruits in markets. They believe that schools are obliged to improve talent of students in a period of learning and prepare them to enter market and universities must grant wisdom of managing and handling of life after being educated. Secondly, they indicate that regarding soaring of cost of living, to meet needs and tackle economic issues, merely educated person does not work at all. On the other hand, universities and schools show that all developed nations profit from educated students who devote all of their time based on learning and teaching rules of their countries. They point out each country need Doctors, Engineers and physical worker and labors. In my idea, the law of education needs some refinement and the conventional cannot address and accommodate the futures demand of new arrival students to markets and industries. Facts and figures prove that and educated and skilled individual could more efficient than a double of 10 people in any majors and fields such as science, sports, engineering, special professions and even on monotonous jobs. In conclusion, to reach a compromise in education systems between people and governments¸ it should better authorities improve the old-fashioned structures of teaching and learning and convert the rules to practical courses at the same time with facts.
It is true that the
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the schools") or simply say "most schools".
most of schools
and higher degree institutes dedicate their time to learn about basic science in any fields,
however
, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent I believe that it should better set up modern and reliable techniques for pupils coincide with their indoor classes.

Nowadays, the majority of parents argue that the conventional guidelines of teaching have an awful influence on their children’s life. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up by demonstrating several reasons.
Firstly
, one of the biggest concerns of them is a lack of the trained recruits in markets. They believe that schools
are obliged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
talent of students in a period of learning and prepare them to enter market and universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
grant wisdom of managing and handling of life after being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
.
Secondly
, they indicate that regarding soaring of cost of living, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
needs and tackle economic issues,
merely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
person does not work at all.

On the other hand
, universities and schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that all developed nations profit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
students who devote all of their time based on learning and teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of their countries. They point out each country need Doctors, Engineers and physical worker and labors. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, the law of education needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
refinement and the conventional cannot address and accommodate the futures demand of new arrival students to markets and industries. Facts and figures prove that and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
and skilled individual could more efficient than a double of 10
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in any majors and fields such as science, sports, engineering, special professions and even on monotonous jobs.

In conclusion
, to reach a compromise in education systems between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
governments¸
it should better authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned structures of teaching and learning and convert the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to practical courses at the same time with facts.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary school to universities, too much time spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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