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Many people play sport when they are young but then stop doing physical exercise when they become adult. Why this happen? What can do about this problem? v.2

Many people play sport when they are young but then stop doing physical exercise when they become adult. Why this happen? What can do about this problem? v. 2
What our society struggle with is workout of the elderly in their retired age saw a striking fall in comparison with adolescence. This drawback was influenced by many reasons. Whether to some extent, long term or short term measurements are useful is a controversial argument. Nowadays, the number of athletics who are above 50 have been reduced. According to scientific evidence, it goes back to two main factors. Firstly, due to the fact that costs of living have been increased. Therefore, the main concern of families would be met their needs rather than addressing sports or physical activities. Secondly, there is no adequate space for the elderly and most of the gyms and sports clubs belong to young people. However, what states and authorities must do is bringing up the eagerness of adults individuals by long term and short term measurements. Based on facts and figures, long-term activities are demonstrated by constructing sport spacious with modern equipment and facilities designing for over 50 age group. Then, define a particular daily routine in working hours for all workers and employees in a period of 30 minutes. They believe that advertisements in TV or newspapers with some awareness and warning about stopping physical activities could be as a short term work. In addition, they indicate to the standard of living must be improved regard to the integral concern of families about living expenses. In conclusion, many items play a role in decreasing sporting which some of them are inevitable, nevertheless, governments due to their obligation must do some trusted actions for their people for tackling workout issues.
What our society struggle with is workout of the elderly in their retired age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a striking fall
in comparison
with adolescence. This drawback
was influenced
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons. Whether to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
or short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
measurements are useful is a controversial argument.

Nowadays, the number of athletics who are above 50 have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. According to scientific evidence, it goes back to two main factors.
Firstly
, due to the fact that costs of living have
been increased
.
Therefore
, the main concern of families would
be met
their needs
rather
than addressing sports or physical activities.
Secondly
, there is no adequate space for the elderly and most of the gyms and sports clubs belong to young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
However
, what states and authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do is bringing up the eagerness of adults individuals by long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
and short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
measurements.

Based on facts and figures, long-term activities
are demonstrated
by constructing sport spacious with modern equipment and facilities designing for over 50 age group. Then, define a particular daily routine in working hours for all workers and employees in a period of 30 minutes. They believe that advertisements in TV or newspapers with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
awareness and warning about stopping physical activities could be as a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
work.
In addition
, they indicate to the standard of living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
regard to the integral concern of families about living expenses.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
items play a role in decreasing sporting which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are inevitable,
nevertheless
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
due to their obligation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
trusted actions for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for tackling workout issues.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people play sport when they are young but then stop doing physical exercise when they become adult. Why this happen? What can do about this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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