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Some say that music is as important as other subjects in schools, especially at the preschool level. v.2

Some say that music is as important as other subjects in schools, especially at the preschool level. v. 2
Music plays a vital role in everybody's life. Some people think that music should be introduced in schools at primary level and it has the same importance as other subjects. I completely agree with the statement. At the earlier stages of life, children are more passionate and capable of learning skills. Music, for example, is very important in life. It refreshes the mind and purifies the soul. It not only has spiritual benefits but also teaches how to fight anger. Therefore, music, if introduced early in primary school can help develop calmness in children when they are at their growing age. On the other hand, art in the form of music, poetry, rhymes can enhance creative skills and also help in learning things. For example, children can memorise poetry and rhymes better if it is played with music. Furthermore, if a child is unable to learn alphabets, music can help him/her to cope up with the difficulty. Above all, children love to come to school when they find a playful subject introduced to them. Learning music in early stages of life can help a child master his/her skills in future and make a successful career out of it. S/he understands lyrics better and develop his interest in the field further. This can lead to his part of living as well as keep his passion alive forever. To conclude I believe that introducing music as a subject in primary schools is a better idea, as music in early stages of life can nurture creative skills, develop calm and composed nature and reduced hostility. However, the true essence of the subject can be made at primary schools when there is a thirst to do something.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
plays a vital role in everybody's
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life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should
be introduced
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
level and it has the same importance as other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement.

At the earlier stages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more passionate and capable of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
,
for example
, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It refreshes the mind and purifies the soul. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has spiritual benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
teaches how to fight anger.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, if introduced early in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
develop calmness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when they are at their growing age.
On the other hand
, art in the form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, poetry, rhymes can enhance creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in learning things.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorise' is British English.
memorise
poetry and rhymes better if it
is played
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Furthermore
, if a child is unable to learn alphabets,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
him/her to cope up with the difficulty.
Above all
,
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
when they find a playful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
introduced to them.

Learning
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music
in early stages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
a child master his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in future and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a successful career out of it. S/he understands lyrics better and develop his interest in the field
further
. This can lead to his part of living
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
his passion alive forever.

To conclude
I believe that introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in early stages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
can nurture creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, develop calm and composed nature and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
hostility.
However
, the true essence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
can
be made
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
when there is a thirst to do something.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that music is as important as other subjects in schools, especially at the preschool level. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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