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Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. v. 3
People often debate what subjects should be taught at school. Some people argue that subjects like art, music and drama should be made as compulsory as other academic subjects from the elementary level. I totally agree with the view as learning these practical subjects improves the intellectual skills of students and hones their skills for a bright future. To begin with, these three subjects help to develop children’s imagination and interest in learning. The Children at an early age enjoy learning through enjoyable and creative methods as they help to bind the concentration in different ways. For instance, in kinder school, pupils learn alphabets more rapidly by using the rhyming technique than the traditional method. Thus, it is evident that non-academic subjects play a crucial role in developing the intellectual skills of students. In addition, not everybody is capable of becoming a successful doctor, engineer, businessman or lawyer. Different students have different learning abilities. Some students lack interest in academics but have great hold on extra-curricular subjects. Therefore, at an early age, getting hands on experience in these subjects assists learners to develop expertise which might prove to be beneficial in future. Studies have also shown that In conclusion, I firmly believe that subjects like music, art and drama should be made compulsory in schools from the elementary level itself. These subjects will not only improve the intellectual skills of the students, but also give them an opportunity to polish their latent talents. And students who have a flair for art or drama might even be able to build a career in those fields
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
debate what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be taught
at school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like art, music and drama should
be made
as compulsory as other academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
from the elementary level. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
these practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the intellectual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and hones their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for a bright future.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, these three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop children’s imagination and interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
. The Children at an early age enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
through enjoyable and creative methods as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to bind the concentration in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.
For instance
, in kinder school, pupils learn alphabets more
rapidly
by using the rhyming technique than the traditional method.
Thus
, it is evident that non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
play a crucial role in developing the intellectual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of students.

In addition
, not everybody is capable of becoming a successful doctor, engineer, businessman or lawyer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
abilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
lack interest in academics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have great hold on extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Therefore
, at an early age, getting hands on experience in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
assists learners to develop expertise which might prove to be beneficial
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. Studies have
also
shown
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
that


In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like music, art and drama should
be made
compulsory in schools from the elementary level itself. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the intellectual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
give them an opportunity to polish their latent talents. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have a flair for art or drama might even be able to build a career in those
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
fields
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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