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Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. v. 1
Some people think that different forms of arts should be treated as importantly as other subjects at school. This essay agrees that concentration on arts is important for the overall development of a child because it gives them an outlet to express themselves, and secondly it makes a viable career option in the future as well. To begin with, learning some form of art enables children to share their feelings with other people. Often young kids find it difficult to communicate with their parents and other adults, due of which they tend become introverts and find it hard to share their feelings. Infusing their thoughts into any form of art gives them a platform to express their views, and at the same time help in reducing their anxiety and stress. For example, many famous songwriters stated that writing their feelings in lyrics helped them recover from any bad memories. Not many students can learn traditional subjects such as math, science and other languages. For these children, learning some form of art can prove to be very beneficial and make a viable career out of it. For example, David lynch, a famous actor, could not complete primary school and in spite of that achieved great success in his film career. In conclusion, painting, dancing and acting should be given equal importance in primary schools because it helps the children in communicating with adults, and also become a viable career option for them. It is recommended that all schools make these subjects mandatory, since it will assist in the overall development of an individual.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forms
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should
be treated
as
importantly
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
subjects at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that concentration on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
overall
development of a child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives them an outlet to express themselves, and
secondly
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a viable career option in the future
as well
.

To
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begin
with, learning
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some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
enables children to share their feelings with
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other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
young kids find it difficult to communicate with their parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
adults, due of which they tend become introverts and find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to share their feelings. Infusing their thoughts into any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
form
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
gives them a platform to express their views, and at the same time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing their anxiety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
songwriters stated that writing their feelings in lyrics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them recover from any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
memories.

Not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students can learn traditional subjects such as math, science and
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other
languages. For these children, learning
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some
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form
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
can prove to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a viable career out of it.
For example
, David lynch, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
actor, could not complete primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
that achieved great success in his film career.

In conclusion
, painting, dancing and acting should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal importance in primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the children in communicating with adults, and
also
become a viable career option for them. It
is recommended
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these subjects mandatory, since it will assist in the
overall
development of an individual.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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