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Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at primary level. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at primary level. v. 2
There is no doubt that the significance of creative studies in the early childhood stage plays a crucial role for a child's development. Thus, it has been contemplated by numerous proponents that alternative options, such as participating in theatre or drawing competitions would flourish primary level students' development. I, therefore, do accord with the statement and in this essay, I will highlight my views with pertinent examples. First and foremost, it is important that how a school-going kid is adapting to a certain kind of traditional school system while she/he might be at their best age of learning. That is to say, functionalities of their brains often differ in the future if they are exposed to more creative activities other than regular subjects. To give an illustrative example, a recent Harvard University study has revealed in late 2011 that children, who can perform at least one musical instrument, usually outperform their classmates in math exams by 25%. In addition, these forms of education not only supports to think differently, but also opens opportunities to learn about different social norms of the culture. Another concern is that many young pupils can be directed to other professions - painter, actor, musician, animator - from the very beginning. However, this is indeed unfortunate that most of the students follow the traditional way of dreaming to be a doctor or a lawyer because of the absence of extracurricular activities in a few schools. For instance, a number of renowned Hollywood actors received their real motivation from the participation in school drama clubs. So, children should be inspired by a diverse range of subjects in their primary schools so that they can set their preferences later. In conclusion, I think that subjects based on creativity can gear students towards the betterment of their life. This is why non-traditional education curriculum should keep continuing cause the brain development and dreaming of an unusual profession are equally for important for a kid.
There is no doubt that the significance of creative studies in the early childhood stage plays a crucial role for a child's development.
Thus
, it has
been contemplated
by numerous proponents that alternative options, such as participating in
theatre
or drawing competitions would flourish primary level students' development. I,
therefore
, do accord with the statement and in this essay, I will highlight my views with pertinent examples.

First
and foremost, it is
important
that how a school-going kid is adapting to a certain kind of traditional
school
system while she/he might be at their best age of learning.
That is
to say, functionalities of their brains
often
differ in the future if they
are exposed
to more creative activities other than regular subjects. To give an illustrative example, a recent Harvard University study has revealed in late 2011 that children, who can perform at least one musical instrument,
usually
outperform their classmates in math exams by 25%.
In addition
, these forms of education not
only
supports to
think
differently
,
but
also
opens opportunities to learn about
different
social norms of the culture.

Another concern is that
many
young pupils can
be directed
to other professions
-
painter, actor, musician, animator
-
from the
very
beginning.
However
, this is
indeed
unfortunate that most of the students follow the traditional way of dreaming to be a doctor or a lawyer
because
of the absence of extracurricular activities in a few
schools
.
For instance
, a number of renowned Hollywood actors received their real motivation from the participation in
school
drama clubs.
So
, children should
be inspired
by a diverse range of subjects in their primary
schools
so
that they can set their preferences later.

In conclusion
, I
think
that subjects based on creativity can gear students towards the betterment of their life. This is why non-traditional education curriculum should
keep
continuing cause the brain development and dreaming of an unusual profession are
equally
for
important
for a kid.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at primary level. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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