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Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. v. 4
It is argued that the arts are just as valid as any other subjects for primary school children. This essay agrees with the statement and explains about the flourish of students who study arts in their childhood along with their academics. Not everyone has a talent in curriculum, some are best in arts such as music and drama. It is the adult's duty to discover those skills and cherish it. If the primary schools have maths and physics alone as a subject, it will affect the mentality of children who are late bloomers. Most of the school students commit suicide due to the misjudgment in their very own ability. But, it can be controlled by showing more options in their early schooling which help in building their confidence to pursue a dream. Making the arts as a subject helps students to utilize their full potential in their expertise other than academic credentials. This encourages them to showcase their uniqueness to the world and gain fortune through it. For example, MGR is a popular actor with millions of fans, but he was illiterate. From this, we can infer that success can be reached even without education. Hence, it is indispensable to make the arts as a subject for pupils at their childhood to encourage those who have creativity. Despite being maestro in the arts, one should learn the basic education to survive in the world. It is also concerned that inclusion of the arts might affect the regular classes, but it can not be neglected. So, equal importance should be given to all the subjects from the start.
It
is argued
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as valid as any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
for primary school children. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the statement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
about the flourish of students who study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
in their childhood along with their academics.

Not everyone has a talent in curriculum,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are best in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
such as music and drama. It is the adult's duty to discover those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and cherish it. If the primary schools have
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and physics alone as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, it will affect the mentality of children who are late bloomers. Most of the school students commit suicide due to the misjudgment in their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it can
be controlled
by showing more options in their early schooling which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in building their confidence to pursue a dream.

Making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
students to utilize their full potential in their expertise other than academic credentials. This encourages them to showcase their uniqueness to the world and gain fortune through it.
For example
, MGR is a popular actor with millions of fans,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he was illiterate. From this, we can infer that success can
be reached
even without education.
Hence
, it is indispensable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
for pupils at their childhood to encourage those who have creativity.

Despite being maestro in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, one should learn the basic education to survive in the world. It is
also
concerned that inclusion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
might affect the regular classes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can not
be neglected
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, equal importance should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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