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Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvatages? v.1

Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvatages? v. 1
Some people argue that most employees should work from home rather than commuting to work every day. I personally disagree with this idea and will outline several reasons in the essay below. On the one hand, remote working may benefit employees in several ways. Firstly, since employees don’t have to commuting to work, they have more time to prepare and get their work done, hence the efficiency is improved. Also, this trend helps to reduce traffic congestion and thus less pollution can be observed. Secondly, most employess may find it more comfortable to work off-site than to sit at the office for hours. They have all control over where to work, whether inside at their desk or in the garden, as well as when to rest. On the other hand, there are good grounds for arguing working from home should not be applied to the majority of employees. When working from a home-based office, co-workers communicate via the Internet, while at their workplace, they are able to have face-to-face interation, so there is a high chance that virtual conversations is not as effective. In addition, distance working may lack of discipline. Employees are not monitored as when they are with their bosses and as a result, they are more likely to get distracted by their surroundings, resulting in reduced work efficiency. In conclusion, although I agree that remote working creates a more convenient environment for workers, I disagree that it should replace traditional workplace as it hinders interaction among co-workers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home
rather
than commuting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
every day. I
personally
disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and will outline several reasons in the essay below.

On the one hand, remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
may benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in several ways.
Firstly
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
don’t
Did you mean "have to commute"?
have to commuting
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they have more time to prepare and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done,
hence
the efficiency is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
Also
, this trend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
traffic congestion and
thus
less pollution can
be observed
.
Secondly
, most
Possible spelling mistake found.
employess
may find it more comfortable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
off-site than to sit at the office for hours. They have all control over where to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, whether inside at their desk or in the garden,
as well
as when to rest.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grounds for arguing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from home should not
be applied
to the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
from a home-based office, co-workers communicate via the Internet, while at their workplace, they are able to have face-to-face
Possible spelling mistake found.
interation
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is a high chance that virtual conversations is not as effective.
In addition
, distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
may lack of discipline.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employees
are not monitored as when they are with their bosses and
as a result
, they are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted by their surroundings, resulting in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
efficiency.

In conclusion
, although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
creates a more convenient environment for workers, I disagree that it should replace traditional workplace as it hinders interaction among co-workers.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvatages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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