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Some say that it is better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of traveling to workplace everyday. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of working at home? v.1

Some say that it is better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of traveling to workplace everyday. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of working at home? v. 1
The responsibility of improving the environment is controversial. Some people claim it is the responsibility of every individual, however, others feel only governments and large companies can bring a change. In my perspective, the governments and the large companies can set rules and regulations, ultimately it is the people who need to protect the environment. Firstly, every person can contribute to the development of a better environment by planting trees. By doing this the air quality will be enhanced and climatic change can be reversed. Moreover, the burden of guarding our environment can be reduced, if everyone can equally share the responsibility. For instance, the recent Earth Summit, which was held at Rio de Genaro stated that planting trees is the best way to prevent future consequences of global warming. Therefore, the environment will become a better place for the future generations if every individual can plant one tree. Secondly, the governments and some large companies implement rules related to usage of personal vehicles. Because cars and motorbikes burn these fossil fuels and destroy the quality of air. Instead, they encourage the public to use buses and trains, which is again not followed by everyone. So, the government can create awareness ultimately every individual needs to take the responsibility. In conclusion, despite the efforts of the government or some large companies to enhance the quality of the environment, still individuals also need to be responsible. Finally, the world will become a beautiful place to live unless everyone takes an initiative to protect the environment.
The responsibility of improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
is controversial.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim it is the responsibility of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
,
however
, others feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can bring a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. In my perspective, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can set
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations,
ultimately
it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who need to protect the environment.

Firstly
, every person can contribute to the development of a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
by planting trees. By doing this the air quality will
be enhanced
and climatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
can
be reversed
.
Moreover
, the burden of guarding our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, if everyone can
equally
share the responsibility.
For instance
, the recent Earth Summit, which
was held
at Rio de Genaro stated that planting trees is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
future consequences of global warming.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
will become a better place for the future generations if every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
can plant one tree.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
implement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
related to usage of personal vehicles.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
cars and motorbikes burn these fossil fuels and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the quality of air.
Instead
, they encourage the public to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
buses and trains, which is again not followed by everyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can create awareness
ultimately
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
needs to take the responsibility.

In conclusion
, despite the efforts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to enhance the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
,
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
also
need to be responsible.
Finally
, the world will become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
unless everyone takes an initiative to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that it is better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of traveling to workplace everyday. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of working at home? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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