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Some say that it is more important for employers to consider academic qualifications rather than personal life experience and values when hiring an employee Do you agree or disagree v.2

Some say that it is more important for employers to consider academic qualifications rather than personal life experience and values when hiring an employee v. 2
Some people believe that hiring workers with education degree is more needed to take into account for employers rather than those with actual experience or good manners. Personally, I believe that both qualities can be valuable and should be determined equally. I therefore disagree with the assertion that academic qualifications are more crucial than life experience in recruitment. On the one hand, good qualifications show that graduates are equipped with in-depth knowledge and helpful skills which are extremely necessary for their future jobs. Consequently, they would make a huge contribution to the company. In addition, education degree can be a persuasive evidence to prove workers’ perseverance and hard-working quality. To graduate a course, they must have been through heaps of hardships. With respect to real-life experience and good personal traits, they likewise bring benefits to the company. Life experience helps provide people with multi-skilled and adaptability. They are able to deal with difficult situations more effectively, which helps improve work productivity. Moreover, experience also teach them how to behave well with good manners. In conclusion, both employees with excellent qualifications or experience and good traits would contribute to the company’s value, and recruiters therefore should weigh them up equally.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that hiring workers with education degree is more needed to take into account for employers
rather
than those with actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manners.
Personally
, I believe that both qualities can be valuable and should
be determined
equally
. I
therefore
disagree with the assertion that academic qualifications are more crucial than life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in recruitment.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
qualifications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that graduates
are equipped
with in-depth knowledge and helpful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are
extremely
necessary for their future jobs.
Consequently
, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge contribution to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
In addition
, education degree can be a persuasive evidence to prove workers’ perseverance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working quality. To graduate a course, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have been through heaps of hardships.

With respect to real-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
personal traits, they
likewise
bring benefits to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with multi-skilled and adaptability. They are able to deal with difficult situations more
effectively
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
work productivity.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
also
teach them how to behave well with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
manners.

In conclusion
, both employees with excellent qualifications or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
traits would contribute to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s value, and recruiters
therefore
should weigh them up
equally
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that it is more important for employers to consider academic qualifications rather than personal life experience and values when hiring an employee v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
199 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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