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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? v.18

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 18
It is argued that the payments to performers like movie celebrities, pop artists or famous athletes are too high. The essay will outline the reasons why I do not agree the argument and the positions in other fields that are worth to have high salary too. To begin with, I believe that the celebrities in the entertainment fields are not given too much payment. One of the main arguments is that they are worth to receive such money as they are skillful enough to entertain their audiences and earn extra revenue for their employers. For example, by attracting their fans to purchase the tickets to see their outstanding performance, the entertainers can make the high payment a worthy investment for their bosses. In addition, higher payment will provide incentive to other performers to enhance their profession, making our society more fascinating with more skillful artists. Besides in entertainment domain, the people who work in science domain should also earn the higher salary. The reason is that the development of technology can help a country to accelerate its growth of national economy whilst scientists are the most important human assets in technology companies. For instance, to attract the smartest people to work for them, the giant technology companies such as “Google” or “Apple”, usually offer much higher salary package to candidate who are from all over the world, contributing United States the most powerful economic entity on Earth. In conclusion, in my opinion, I don’t think the performers in entertainment field are paid too much money due to their professional performance which brings joy to their followers and benefits their hirers. In addition, the individuals in technology domain should also be provided higher payment because it has the positive effect on national economic growth.
It
is argued
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payments
to performers like movie celebrities, pop artists or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
athletes are too high. The essay will outline the reasons why I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the argument and the positions in other fields that are worth to have high salary too.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I believe that the celebrities in the entertainment fields are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
. One of the main arguments is that they are worth to receive such money as they are skillful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to entertain their audiences and earn extra revenue for their employers.
For example
, by attracting their fans to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the tickets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their outstanding performance, the entertainers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
a worthy investment for their bosses.
In addition
, higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
will provide incentive to other performers to enhance their profession, making our society more fascinating with more skillful artists.

Besides
in entertainment domain, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work in science domain should
also
earn the higher salary. The reason is that the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a country to accelerate its growth of national economy whilst scientists are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
human assets in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For instance
, to attract the smartest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work for them, the giant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
such as “Google” or “Apple”,
usually
offer much higher salary package to candidate who are from all over the world, contributing United States the most powerful economic entity on Earth.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the performers in entertainment field
are paid
too much money due to their professional performance which brings joy to their followers and benefits their
Possible spelling mistake found.
hirers
.
In addition
, the individuals in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
domain should
also
be provided
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
payment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on national economic growth.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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