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Nowadays, some employers think that formal academic qualifications are more important than life experience or personal qualities when they look for new employees. Why is it the case? Is it positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. v.9

Nowadays, some employers think that formal academic qualifications are more important than life experience or personal qualities when they look for new employees. Why is it the case? Is it positive or negative development? v. 9
It is undeniable that when it comes to recruiting new employees, a number of different aspects should be put in perspective in order to spot out the most potential people. Many people are in favour of achievements in education, performance being the key element to this process. However, others argue that knowledge of daily life and skills, manners that each one possesses are more critical than ever. I am inclined to believe that both of these qualifications to share equal importance as well as contribute to one’s advantage. In this essay, I will present my idea on the two subjects. Academic studying plays an important role in the candidate’s qualities. Needless to say, well-educated people are considered to be more successful and more easily to be employed. The reason why many people believe this is because with formal education background, employees have a wide range of knowledge about the job they pursue and can apply those into practice, especially in their fields. In other words, they can work more effectively and be more flexible at receiving new information which will further their career. Moreover, those who have a degree in university, for example, are likely to be more industrious and devote all of their efforts into the company’s growth. As far as I know, it seems that people who received proper education can easily reach high positions at work due to the significant contributions they make. Consequently, these outstanding benefits will be the foundation for them to improve their job. On the other hand, personal characteristics also offer many benefits. Besides from learning at school, employees must have life experience and skills such as teamwork, communication skill, creativity, etc. To begin with, knowledge of society is crucial. Nevertheless, not all hard-working people have that quality. For instance, some might not be able to figure out why the sales are dropping whereas the experienced ones can explain the reason in detail and help to overcome it because they have gone through this problem many times. Secondly, every person has the responsibility to unite other members in the group in order to co-operate together to work better. Communication with clients is also an important factor because with wise choices of words can have you signed the contract and do business with them. Finally, productivity can be boosted by creativity as you can come up with new projects and products with the company, eventually sales and customers will go up. In a nutshell, employees who are academically qualified and experienced are very helpful to the development of the company. These two elements, if improved, can as well make a difference in your future career.
It is undeniable that when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to recruiting new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects should
be put
in perspective in order to spot out the most potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of achievements in education, performance being the key element to this process.
However
, others argue that knowledge of daily life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, manners that each one possesses are more critical than ever. I
am inclined
to believe that both of these qualifications to share equal importance
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
contribute to one’s advantage. In this essay, I will present my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
on the two subjects.

Academic studying plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the candidate’s qualities. Needless to say, well-educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are considered
to be more successful and more
easily
to
be employed
. The reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
with formal education background,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have a wide range of knowledge about the job they pursue and can apply those into practice,
especially
in their fields. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they can work more
effectively
and be more flexible at receiving new information which will
further
their career.
Moreover
, those who have a degree in university,
for example
, are likely to be more industrious and devote all of their efforts into the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s growth. As far as I know, it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who received proper education can
easily
reach high positions at work due to the significant contributions they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
.
Consequently
, these outstanding benefits will be the foundation for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their job.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, personal characteristics
also
offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
Besides
from learning at school,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have life experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as teamwork, communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, creativity, etc. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, knowledge of society is crucial.
Nevertheless
, not all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have that quality.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might not be able to figure out why the sales are dropping whereas the experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reason in detail and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to overcome it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have gone through this problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times.
Secondly
, every person has the responsibility to unite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members in the group in order to co-operate together to work better. Communication with clients is
also
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
with wise choices of words can have you signed the contract and do business with them.
Finally
, productivity can
be boosted
by creativity as you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with new projects and products with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
eventually
sales and customers will go up.

In a nutshell,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who are
academically
qualified and experienced are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful to the development of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. These two elements, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
, can
as well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference in your future career.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, some employers think that formal academic qualifications are more important than life experience or personal qualities when they look for new employees. Why is it the case? Is it positive or negative development? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
441 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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