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Some ppl think that all students should learn the science of food at school. Other believe that time should be speant for other activities. Discuss both view and give your opinion v.2

Some ppl think that all students should learn the science of food at school. Other believe that time should be speant for other activities. 2
Concerning the issue whether food education should be integrated into classes, people hold different views. Although, some believe that students should not study about food and take their time to do other activities, others and my self suppose it is essential for students to learn food science. To begin with, there are grounds for arguing that the time of students should be directed to other activities such as extra activities or entertainment activities in lieu of food studies courses. Firstly, most subjects at school are so rigid, tough and intensive that students may need to alleviate their stress and strain via outdoor activities. If a program, food education, is combined to lessons, the relaxation time of students is limited, and then they are likely to be under the pressure and more stressful. Secondly, some activities such as working out, doing yoga are able to enhance students’ health. As the majority of subjects even including food science are implemented in classrooms or labs, so students can be put at a great risk of a sedentary lifestyle and obesity which could be prevented when students frequently participate in given outdoor exercises. However, i believe there are more convincing argument for contending that the science of food should be taught at school. First, after learning this course, students probably have a good grasp of the discrepancy between poisonous food and fresh food. As a result, they may have a capacity of choosing healthy food. Furthermore, students could learn how to have a balance diet to minimize the risk of heart diseases or obesity. In fact, according to the Usa newspaper, there have been an increasing number of adults being heart strokes due to the lack of food knowledge, particularly good diets. In my conclusion, while other people have a belief that students should spend their time on various activities, i suppose they also need to learn food science to gain fundamental food knowledge which can preserve their health and others one.
Concerning the issue whether
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food
education should
be integrated
into classes,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
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students
should not study about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, others and my self suppose it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
science.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are grounds for arguing that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be directed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
or entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in lieu of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
studies courses.
Firstly
, most subjects at school are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
rigid, tough and intensive that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may need to alleviate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and strain via outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. If a program,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
education,
is combined
to lessons, the relaxation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is limited
, and then they are likely to be under the pressure and more stressful.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as working out, doing yoga are able to enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
health. As the majority of subjects even including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
science
are implemented
in classrooms or labs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
be put
at a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of a sedentary lifestyle and obesity which could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
frequently
participate in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
outdoor exercises.

However
,
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i
believe there are more convincing argument for contending that the science of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
should
be taught
at school.
First
, after learning this course,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
probably
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grasp of the discrepancy between poisonous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
As a result
, they may have a capacity of choosing healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could learn how to have a balance diet to minimize the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of heart diseases or obesity. In fact, according to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Usa
newspaper, there have been an increasing number of adults being heart strokes due to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
knowledge,
particularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
diets.

In my conclusion, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
suppose they
also
need to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
science to gain fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
knowledge which can preserve their health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
one.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some ppl think that all students should learn the science of food at school. Other believe that time should be speant for other activities. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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