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Both governments and individuals are spending too much money protecting animals and their habitat This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society what extend do you agree or disagree v.2

Both governments and individuals are spending too much money protecting animals and their habitat This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society what extend v. 2
It is argued that it is better when the government and citizens gather to allocate the increasing amount of money to address some dilemmas in social life inlieu of spending this means preserving other species and their surrounding areas. In my opinion, i supose the money from the authority and local people should be poured into both animal protections and social priorities. On the one hand, there are several reasons why the government and inhabitants should conserve animals with financial aids. Firstly, every species plays a indispensable role in food chain and natural ecosytem ‘s balance even they are tiny, not are, not worth such as bees, butterflies. If there has an advent of few animals, it can lead to the food chain disorder and put other animals at great risk of extinction as some animals maintain their lives mainy by hunting other species. Secondly, public money should spend on conservation campaigns and wildlife sentunctaries since this could minimize serious impacts of climate changes. For example, in Vietnam, the million dollar conservations projects from the governors such as planting more trees in coastal regions have an positive impact on reducing the casualty, and loss of property from floods in Thanh Hoa province. On the other hand, finacial supports also have better been spent tacking serious problems in society such as education and health care system. In the real world, there are some countries with lowerr literacy rate than the others because of insufficient money in contructing schools and trainning teachers. Meaning that, it is likely to attribute to higher crime rate and unemployment rate as people do not have ability to get access to and understand the laws. In terms of heathcare conditions, if the government channel money into deterent to the depletion of vulnerable animals, the means for healthcare systems will be not as much as before. Therefore, there are unlikeky to expand hospitals, construct reseach and develop departments for drugs, worse, the nation could not have capacity of dealing with epidemic breaking out. In my conlusion, i belive that not only the government but also local inhabitants need to iron out some severe phenomena which are correlate with animal protection and society.
It
is argued
that it is better when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and citizens gather to allocate the increasing amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to address
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dilemmas in social life
Possible spelling mistake found.
inlieu
of spending this means preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
species and their surrounding areas. In my opinion, i
Possible spelling mistake found.
supose
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from the authority and local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be poured
into both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
protections and social priorities.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and inhabitants should conserve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
with financial aids.
Firstly
, every species plays
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
indispensable role in food chain and natural
Possible spelling mistake found.
ecosytem
‘s balance even they are tiny, not are, not worth such as bees, butterflies. If there has an advent of few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, it can lead to the food chain disorder and put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
at great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of extinction as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
maintain their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
Possible spelling mistake found.
mainy
by hunting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
species.
Secondly
, public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
should spend on conservation campaigns and wildlife
Possible spelling mistake found.
sentunctaries
since this could minimize serious impacts of climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
For example
, in Vietnam, the million dollar
Possible spelling mistake found.
conservations
projects from the governors such as planting more trees in coastal regions have
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on reducing the casualty, and loss of property from floods in Thanh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hoa
province.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
Possible spelling mistake found.
finacial
supports
also
have better
been spent
tacking serious problems in society such as education and health care system. In the real world, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries with
Possible spelling mistake found.
lowerr
literacy rate than the others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of insufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
contructing
schools and
Possible spelling mistake found.
trainning
teachers. Meaning that, it is likely to attribute to higher crime rate and unemployment rate as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not have ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to and understand the laws. In terms of
Possible spelling mistake found.
heathcare
conditions, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
channel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
into
Possible spelling mistake found.
deterent
to the depletion of vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, the means for healthcare systems will be not as much as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Therefore
, there are
Possible spelling mistake found.
unlikeky
to expand hospitals, construct
Possible spelling mistake found.
reseach
and develop departments for drugs, worse, the nation could not have capacity of dealing with epidemic breaking out.

In my
Possible spelling mistake found.
conlusion
, i
Possible spelling mistake found.
belive
that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
local inhabitants need to iron out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
severe phenomena which are correlate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
protection and society.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Mistakes

IELTS essay Both governments and individuals are spending too much money protecting animals and their habitat This money could be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society what extend v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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