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In countries where there is a high rate of unemployment most pupils should be offered only primary education There is no point in offering secondary education to those who have no hope of finding a job To what extent do you agree or disagree with this sta v.2

In countries where there is a high rate of unemployment most pupils should be offered only primary education There is no point in offering secondary education to those who have no hope of finding a job with this sta v. 2
It is argued that in some nations which unemployment rate consistently is higher than the others, most of the students should be attended in primary schools. And it is no good in giving an opportunity to who do not hope to land a future job in order to pusue secondary schools. In my opinion, i totally disagree with this statement due to some below reasons. Advocating of that fact that studying in primary schools and not going to secondary ones may believe that it is one of the optimal way to alleviate the finacial burden for the government as they do not spend an amount of public money on the school expansion, teacher training fees, and then this means could be used to buy foods, drinks to remote areas without contributions from the local. From my perspective, this is a short-sighted view since this stategy may lead to the the quality of labour workforce. Due to intuitive knowledege and insufficient understanding about higher technology, primary children are unlikely to meet the demand for technological globe. Further more, i still do not agree with the idea that it is usefulless when offering educational chances for some people who do not have an ambition finding a job because this may lead to some dire consequencies realated to crime rate. In terms of the former drawback, secondary children have stronger desire to express their unique character at all cost, they are likely to be addicted to alcohol, commit the crime which can be seen from the report of increasing rate of junvenile crime. In my conclusion, the government should take priority over all type of schooling to increase the literacy rate and reduce umemployment rate.
It
is argued
that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations which unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
consistently
is higher than the others, most of the students should
be attended
in primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. And it is no
The usual preposition for this expression is "at". Did you mean, "good at giving"?
good in giving
an opportunity to
Did you mean "whom"?
who
do not hope to land a future job in order to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pusue
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. In my opinion,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
totally
disagree with this statement due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
below reasons.

Advocating of that fact that studying in primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and not going to secondary ones may believe that it is one of the optimal way to alleviate the
Possible spelling mistake found.
finacial
burden for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as they do not spend an amount of public money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
expansion, teacher training fees, and then
Did you mean "these"?
this
means could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
foods, drinks to remote areas without contributions from the local. From my perspective, this is a short-sighted view since this
Possible spelling mistake found.
stategy
may lead to
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
quality of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
workforce. Due to intuitive
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledege
and insufficient understanding about higher technology, primary children are unlikely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand for technological globe.

Further
more,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
still
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
usefulless
when offering educational chances for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not have an ambition finding a job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dire
Possible spelling mistake found.
consequencies
Possible spelling mistake found.
realated
to crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
. In terms of the former drawback, secondary children have stronger desire to express their unique character at all cost, they are likely to
be addicted
to alcohol, commit the crime which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the report of increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
junvenile
crime.

In my conclusion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take priority over all type of schooling to increase the literacy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
Possible spelling mistake found.
umemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes

IELTS essay In countries where there is a high rate of unemployment most pupils should be offered only primary education There is no point in offering secondary education to those who have no hope of finding a job with this sta v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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