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According to those im the travel business the nature of the average holiday is changing Rather than seeking a relaxing break in a far away place ppl now want excitement on their holidays Opinions v.1

According to those im the travel business the nature of the average holiday is changing Rather than seeking a relaxing break in a far away place ppl now want excitement on their holidays Opinions v. 1
Technological advancement has become an integral part of the society. Nowadays, a proportion of the demographic population is of the opinion that, technology has made human more sociable while another section believed otherwise. This essay will discuss both views. On the one hand, technology, has made men highly sociable in the sense that it made communication easier and faster. This is because people are able to sit in the comfort of their homes and interact with friends and families that are miles away. Also, introverts can connect easily and meet new people on different social media platforms without having to go through the stress of travel to another town or country. For example, through the use of mobile phone technology, fax, video calling and email. Thereby making socialization entirely easy among men and women. On the other hand, some people think it made human less sociable because of its addictive nature. Most persons spend more time on their phones or other technological appliances than the time they spend conversing physically with their peers. Thereby neglecting the basic social aspect of their lives. For instance, according to the research carried out in the western region of Nigeria among the teenagers, the result showed that the larger percentage of adolescents having difficulty in forming a sustainable relationship with their age group due to the number of hours spent on their phones. As a result, human are growing to enjoying their own company rather than socialize with others. In conclusion, it is no doubt technology has greatly influenced how sociable we have become. This essay discussed how it made man more sociable by making communication easier and faster and also the influence of the addictive nature of technology on man's social life.
Technological advancement has become an integral part of the society. Nowadays, a proportion of the demographic population is of the opinion that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made human more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sociable
while another section believed
otherwise
. This essay will discuss both views.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, has made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sociable
in the sense that it made communication easier and faster. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are able to sit in the comfort of their homes and interact with friends and families that are miles away.
Also
, introverts can connect
easily
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social media platforms without having to go through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of travel to another town or country.
For example
, through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, fax, video calling and email. Thereby making socialization
entirely
easy among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it made human less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sociable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its addictive nature. Most persons spend more time on their phones or other technological appliances than the time they spend conversing
physically
with their peers. Thereby neglecting the basic social aspect of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
, according to the research carried out in the western region of Nigeria among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, the result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the larger percentage of adolescents having difficulty in forming a sustainable relationship with their age group due to the number of hours spent on their phones.
As a result
, human are growing to enjoying their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
rather
than socialize with others.

In conclusion
, it is no doubt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
greatly
influenced how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sociable
we have become. This essay discussed how it made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sociable
by making communication easier and faster and
also
the influence of the addictive nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
's social life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay According to those im the travel business the nature of the average holiday is changing Rather than seeking a relaxing break in a far away place ppl now want excitement on their holidays Opinions v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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