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More and more people buy and use their own car. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh its disadvantages for the environment? v.2

More and more people buy and use their own car. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh its disadvantages for the environment? v. 2
In contemporary life, owning and utilizing private cars has become a prevalent and publicly recognized phenomenon. Although some people think that the use of their cars enhances their life, I argue that it compromises the environmentally sustainable development more than any personal benefits. On the one hand, it is undeniable that having a car makes a great contribution to be time-saving and minimize heavy traffic. Firstly, people are able to reduce abundant bus-waiting time. In fact, if they do not possess a car, they may wait 5 or 10 minutes in the bus stop, and have to stand in line to get on the public transportations such as buses, trains. As the result, the time for communicating to workplaces is long lasting, and then heavy-workload solving time, as well as work productivity, comes at the expense. Secondly, drivers in private cars have an ability to navigate routes and drive in flat ways when they encounter the traffic congestion. Meaning that they could commute to their workplaces promptly, punctually despite such the traffic jam. Although private cars could bring several personal merits, I suppose its returns in the sustainability of key environmental elements such as natural resources, and the air needs deliberating thoroughly. Regarding the disadvantage for fossil fuel, as to meet the enormous demands for operating an increasing number of cars, people have to exploit gas, oil and other traditional resources which require the millions year in order to recover. Meaning that they put conventional resources at a great risk of depletion, and other fields such as trading, delivery. Moreover, frequent car use realizes the amount of carbon footprint which is one of the primary aspect leading to air pollution. For example, according to the Vietnam newspaper, the rate of pure air in Hanoi, the capital decrease since this country had exported more cars from foreign countries, In my conclusion, private cars play an indispensable role in our life, yet that it causes environmental degradation is outstripped
In contemporary life, owning and utilizing
private
cars
has become a prevalent and
publicly
recognized phenomenon. Although
some
people
think
that the
use
of their
cars
enhances their life, I argue that it compromises the
environmentally
sustainable development more than any personal benefits.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that having a
car
makes
a great contribution to be time-saving and minimize heavy traffic.
Firstly
,
people
are able to
reduce
abundant bus-waiting time. In fact, if they do not possess a
car
, they may wait 5 or 10 minutes in the bus
stop
, and
have to
stand in line to
get
on the public transportations such as buses, trains. As the result, the time for communicating to workplaces is
long lasting
, and then heavy-workload solving time,
as well
as work productivity,
comes
at the expense.
Secondly
, drivers in
private
cars
have an ability to navigate routes and drive in flat ways when they encounter the traffic congestion. Meaning that they could commute to their workplaces
promptly
,
punctually
despite such the traffic jam.

Although
private
cars
could bring several personal merits, I suppose its
returns in
the sustainability of key environmental elements such as natural resources, and the air needs deliberating
thoroughly
. Regarding the disadvantage for fossil fuel, as to
meet
the enormous demands for operating an increasing number of
cars
,
people
have to
exploit gas, oil and other traditional resources which require the
millions
year in order to recover. Meaning that they put conventional resources at a great
risk
of depletion, and other fields such as trading, delivery.
Moreover
, frequent
car
use
realizes the amount of carbon footprint which is one of the primary aspect leading to air pollution.
For example
, according to the Vietnam newspaper, the rate of pure air in Hanoi, the capital decrease since this country had exported more
cars
from foreign countries,

In my conclusion,
private
cars
play an indispensable role in our life,
yet
that it causes environmental degradation
is outstripped
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people buy and use their own car. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh its disadvantages for the environment? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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