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Some ppl think that all students should learn the science of food at school. Other believe that time should be speant for other activities. Discuss both view and give your opinion v.1

Some ppl think that all students should learn the science of food at school. Other believe that time should be speant for other activities. 1
It is often argued that the educational system from elementary school to college levels do not equip the individual with proper real-life skills. I completely agree with this notion for reasons that I will discuss in this essay. First of all, not all materials studied during the educational years will be useful during the working years. To elaborate more, Many subjects that were taught during high school did not provide any useful skills. To give an example, some academic years contain various complex algebra topics that have to be learned in order to pass the year with no obvious practical skill if any. That is why there are some extra topics during the schooling period that need to reassessed to be more beneficial in the practical world. Secondly, with too much effort spent on extra topics to cover, there is a lack in some important practical knowledge. Nowadays, it is crucial for people to learn and gain several skills that will help them to be a productive member of society. for example, learning how to do one's taxes is an important skill that needs to be mastered although it is not mentioned anywhere in all levels of education. Thus, it’s essential to address the shortage of learning practical skills in an effort to make them an essential part of education. In conclusion, I strongly believe that essential real-word skills are scarce throughout the educational levels because having unnecessary topics to cover with a lack of real-world practical skills to be taught.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the educational system from elementary school to college levels do not equip the individual with proper real-life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion for reasons that I will discuss in this essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, not all materials studied during the educational years will be useful during the working years. To elaborate more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
subjects that
were taught
during high school did not provide any useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. To give an example,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
academic years contain various complex algebra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
topics
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be learned
in order to pass the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
with no obvious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
if any.
That is
why there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
topics
during the schooling period that need to reassessed to be more beneficial in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
world.

Secondly
, with too much effort spent on extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
topics
to cover, there is a lack in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
knowledge. Nowadays, it is crucial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to learn and gain several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to be a productive member of society.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, learning how to do one's taxes is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
that needs to
be mastered
although it is not mentioned anywhere in all levels of education.
Thus
, it’s essential to address the shortage of learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in an effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them an essential part of education.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that essential real-word
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are scarce throughout the educational levels
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
having unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
topics
to cover with a lack of real-world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to
be taught
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some ppl think that all students should learn the science of food at school. Other believe that time should be speant for other activities. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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