Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some modern artist receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some modern artist receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation. v. 1
Nowadays, although many the contemporary artists attain a great deal of money concerning what things they build, others hard to get pay from theirs invention. In this case, I intend to discuss why this could be occured and the authority must consider and put more attention to solve this matter. It is undeniable fact that a famous painting by particular artist, for example, may can impresively expensive than the usual artist, and they gain a handsome of money from selling it. This can be occured because of several circumstances. Firstly, a famous artist is easily to join a big exhibition in order to sell their things such as paintings, sculuptures, dresses and etc. In addtion, some painter have selling-points from their painting that attract affluent people to collect their painting. However, every people deserve to achieve respect regard to their invetion and more must be create to solve this matter. On the other hand, the authority must take a step to solve the gulf between the artist that gaining more money rather than the others. the goverment have to create a place in order to catch aspiration from all of artists concerning their invention even only talking about regulation. If the goverment create an event that for all types of artist can join. It may lead good conditions to artist selling their paint. By the way of conclusion, although some artist attain more money from their unique paint or things, the goverment must aid to others which hard to sell their invention.
Nowadays, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
the contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
attain a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
concerning what things they build, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
pay from theirs invention.
In this case
, I intend to discuss why this could be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
and the authority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider and put more attention to solve this matter.

It is undeniable fact that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
by particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
,
for example
, may can
Possible spelling mistake found.
impresively
Use "(expensive)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
expensive
than the usual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
, and they gain
The phrase 'a handsome of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a handsome of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from selling it. This can be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several circumstances.
Firstly
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
is
easily
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
exhibition in order to sell their things such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paintings
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
sculuptures
, dresses
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
addtion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
painter have selling-points from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
that attract affluent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to collect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
painting
.
However
, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
deserve to achieve respect regard to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
invetion
and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Consider using the past participle "created"?
create
to solve this matter.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the authority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take a step to solve the gulf between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
that gaining more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
rather
than the others.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
create a place in order to catch aspiration from all of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
concerning their invention even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
talking about regulation. If the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
create an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
that for all types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
. It may lead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
conditions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
selling their paint.

By the way of conclusion, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "artists"?
artist
attain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their unique paint or things, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
aid to others which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to sell their invention.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some modern artist receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts