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More and more people buy and use their own car. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh its disadvantages for the environment? v.1

More and more people buy and use their own car. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh its disadvantages for the environment? v. 1
Crime rates in cities are on the rise in the recent years, the major proportion of these are being done by the youth. The underlying cause of this is the widespread availability of weapons and the increased abuse of alcohol and drugs among younger individuals. We can curb such events by providing proper educational and counselling services to children and moderating the use of substances which provoke criminal behaviour. One of the problems is the lack of values. Education forms the foundation of an individual's core beliefs and values. If you educate a child, you educate an entire nation. They must be imparted proper cultural values and methods to tackle stressful situations. For example, If a child is taught about how to deal with anger, he will take it as a learning lesson and move forwards rather than holding a grudge. Due to newer technological advances, minors have gained easy access to drugs and alcohol. This will lead to dependance and behavioural abnormalities. Furthermore, this may lead to the impaired ability of an individual to judge the consequences of such an action. The solution to this problem will be upgrading the schooling system. In the developed countries, educational facilities are advanced and help in tackling issues like juvenile delinquency and substance abuse. For example, if a juvenile is caught drinking alcohol, he is properly counselled to prevent him from committing further crimes. Such systems should be implemented all over the world to bring about peace. Nevertheless, The government should also actively participate in the control of youth crimes by enacting certain laws which ban the sale of harmful substances to minors and limit the sales of drugs for medicinal purposes only. To conclude, The increased proportion of crime in the cities is attributed to young adults in recent years. This is due to poor schooling systems and common usage of harmful substances. However, This problem could be tackled by educating at the school level and legislating certain laws by the government.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crime
rates in cities are on the rise in the recent years, the major proportion of these are
being done
by the youth. The underlying cause of this is the widespread availability of weapons and the increased abuse of alcohol and drugs among younger individuals. We can curb such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
by providing proper educational and counselling services to children and moderating the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
substances
which provoke criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

One of the problems is the lack of values. Education forms the foundation of an individual's core beliefs and values. If you educate a child, you educate an entire nation. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be imparted
proper cultural values and methods to tackle stressful situations.
For example
, If a child
is taught
about how to deal with anger, he will take it as a learning lesson and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forwards
rather
than holding a grudge. Due to newer technological advances, minors have gained easy access to drugs and alcohol. This will lead to
Possible spelling mistake found.
dependance
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
abnormalities.
Furthermore
, this may lead to the impaired ability of an individual to judge the consequences of such an action.

The solution to this problem will be upgrading the schooling system. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, educational facilities
are advanced
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in tackling issues like juvenile delinquency and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
substance
abuse.
For example
, if a juvenile
is caught
drinking alcohol, he is
properly
counselled to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
him from committing
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. Such systems should
be implemented
all over the world to bring about peace.
Nevertheless
, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
actively
participate in the control of youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
by enacting certain laws which ban the sale of harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
substances
to minors and limit the sales of drugs for medicinal purposes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

To conclude
, The increased proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
in the cities
is attributed
to young adults in recent years. This is due to poor schooling systems and common usage of harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
substances
.
However
, This problem could
be tackled
by educating at the school level and legislating certain laws by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people buy and use their own car. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh its disadvantages for the environment? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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