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Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. v. 1
Some people assent to the idea that working for the same association permanently is beneficial. In stark contrast to this, others hold a totally opposite idea which stimulates devoting for different companies. Much as I am in favour of the latter opinion, I still take both arguments into consideration in this essay. On the one hand, there are such various reasons to demonstrate the first statement as financial stability and constant promotion. Hardly can one person be satisfied when his or her occupation keeps changing during working-life, which makes employees unable to adapt to the new environment as well as the working requirements. As a result, their monthly income is inevitably affected due to the changing jobs. Additionally, there is a higher possibility of gaining promotion by working for only one enterprise. it is understandable that the more familiar with the job, the more visible the promotion prospect is. Therefore, constancy-oriented people often tend to maintain their jobs during their employment. On the other hand, freshmen who have no initial orientation prefer contributing to numerous organisations, enabling them to discover their most suitable career path. One can be easily unpleasant with his or her job, which is the explanation for the decreased productivity. Therefore, finding a new job to obtain ambition is advisable. Besides, there is a wide range of free-lancers who work simultaneously for different companies have a sense of satisfaction. Albeit of the fluctuating earnings and irregularly schedules, they do not have to suffer from the boredom resulting from doing repetitive tasks. In conclusion, I firmly believe that to do one job stably or to do a variety of jobs has benefits which depend on the purposes and aims of individual. Views often differ on whether or not working for the same association permanently is more beneficial than devoting for different companies. Much as I am in favour of the latter opinion, I still take both arguments into consideration in this essay.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assent to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for the same association
permanently
is beneficial. In stark contrast to this, others hold a
totally
opposite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
which stimulates devoting for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Much as I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the latter opinion, I
still
take both arguments into consideration in this essay.

On the one hand, there are such various reasons to demonstrate the
first
statement as financial stability and constant promotion. Hardly can one person
be satisfied
when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
occupation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
changing during working-life, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
employees unable to adapt to the new environment
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
requirements.
As a result
, their monthly income is
inevitably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
due to the changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Additionally
, there is a higher possibility of gaining promotion by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one enterprise.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is understandable that the more familiar with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, the more visible the promotion prospect is.
Therefore
, constancy-oriented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
tend to maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
during their employment.

On the other hand
, freshmen who have no initial orientation prefer contributing to numerous
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, enabling them to discover their most suitable career path. One can be
easily
unpleasant with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, which is the explanation for the decreased productivity.
Therefore
, finding a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to obtain ambition is advisable.
Besides
, there is a wide range of free-lancers who work
simultaneously
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have a sense of satisfaction. Albeit of the fluctuating earnings and
irregularly
schedules, they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer from the boredom resulting from doing repetitive tasks.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that to do one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
stably
or to do a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
has benefits which depend on the purposes and aims of individual.

Views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
differ on
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for the same association
permanently
is more beneficial than devoting for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Much as I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the latter opinion, I
still
take both arguments into consideration in this essay.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
324 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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