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Some People Work For The Same Organisation All Their Working Life. Others Think It Is Better To Work For Different Organisations. Discuss Both These Views And Give Your Own Opinion. v.3

Some People Work For The Same Organisation All Their Working Life. Others Think It Is Better To Work For Different Organisations. v. 3
There are differing opinions about whether people should shifting corporation or work for one company during their career. While I agree that working for the same organization does bring some advantages, I am persuaded that it would be more beneficial if we try switching workplaces several times. On the one hand, there are some reasons why dedicating a lifetime to one company is attractive to some people. As a person works in a place for a long time, he or she would gain experience and professional knowledge in a particular field. Consequently, this person is more likely to be promoted and get a higher salary, resulting in improvements in his or her quality of life. In addition, because changing corporations might mean facing a completely different working environment, or even moving to a new place to live; if you work for the same company, you will not have to spend time and effort getting to know new workforce or familiarizing with the job, which is quite a difficulty for some people. On the other hand, I believe that the benefits that changing corporation offer is worth the effort and time. Firstly, changing companies gives workers chances to experience different working environments, thus they can find out one that best suits them. Secondly, if they work in diverse positions, they would be able to learn a wide range of skills and broaden their horizons, and become a well-rounded worker, who employers always look for. Finally, since many employees nowadays are really ambitious and always seek out for a sense of achievement, working for different industries with bigger challenges for them to deal with could inherently satisfy this need. In conclusion, I completely support the view that people should try switching companies instead of sticking to the same organization all their life.
There are differing opinions about whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "shift"
shifting
corporation or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
during their career. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for the same organization does bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages, I
am persuaded
that it would be more beneficial if we try switching workplaces several times.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why dedicating a lifetime to one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is attractive to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. As a person works in a place for a long time, he or she would gain experience and professional knowledge in a particular field.
Consequently
, this person is more likely to
be promoted
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher salary, resulting in improvements in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
quality of life.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
changing corporations might mean facing a completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment, or even moving to a new place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
; if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, you will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend time and effort getting to know new workforce or familiarizing with the job, which is quite a difficulty for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
, I believe that the benefits that changing corporation offer is worth the effort and time.
Firstly
, changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
gives workers chances to experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environments,
thus
they can find out one that best suits them.
Secondly
, if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in diverse positions, they would be able to learn a wide range of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and broaden their horizons, and become a well-rounded worker, who employers always look for.
Finally
, since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees nowadays are
really
ambitious and always seek out for a sense of achievement,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
industries with bigger challenges for them to deal with could
inherently
satisfy this need.

In conclusion
, I completely support the view that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should try switching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
instead
of sticking to the same organization all their life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some People Work For The Same Organisation All Their Working Life. Others Think It Is Better To Work For Different Organisations. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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