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Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. v.4

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. v. 4
Every person has a different perspective of looking into a life. Likewise, they differ with the choice's they make, some dedicate their whole life to an organisation and some like to have change's in their life with different organisations. It is always one's decision, and how they want their career to be. Let's look into their different choices and how it can affect their lives. Overall, if we see there are less employee's who want to devote their whole career to an organisation, but those fewer percentages of people have a perspective of solving or serving for a cause. They spend their life doing something that will make a difference in others life. Let's take an example buttress to the above fact, the great founder of Apple organisation that is Steve Jobs. He himself created his own company, had an idea of changing peoples life by creating simple device that will revolutionize the future, same was created with Apple iPhone. Most of the population of America is iPhone users. However, the idea is, he served his whole life, creating a better platform for mobile devices. Moreover, he was a college dropout and a person with a cause to create a difference in the society. Comparing to other part, who think serving to a different organisation will help them grow in their career. Their perception of thinking is growth and money, which is making them to work for different organisation. Let's see an example and understand the fact, an employee who started his career with a mere salary of 200000 per year and in a span of 4 years, he changed 3 different organisations, with 2 promotion and a salary of 1000000 per year. Here, it is more of a pragmatic approach, where the employee gets self-centred and tries to climb the ladder faster. Along the process, the employee is not gaining enough knowledge that he should have picked in a particular field. Concluding with the fact that, it's more of an individual choice of pursuing their career, if it's one of my choices, than serving to a particular cause and serving till we create any difference in other peoples lives is more of a sophisticated approach.
Every person has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
perspective of looking into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Likewise
, they differ with the choice's they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
dedicate their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
like to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
's in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
. It is always one's decision, and how they want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
to be.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's look into their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
choices and how it can affect their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Overall
, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
there are less
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "employees"?
employee
's who want to devote their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
to an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
those fewer percentages of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have a perspective of solving or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serving
for a cause. They spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
doing something that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference in others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's take an example buttress to the above fact, the great founder of Apple
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
that is
Steve Jobs. He himself created his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, had an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of changing peoples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by creating simple device that will revolutionize the future, same
was created
with Apple iPhone. Most of the population of America is iPhone users.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is, he served his whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, creating a better platform for mobile devices.
Moreover
, he was a college dropout and a person with a cause to create a difference in the society.

Comparing to other part, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serving
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them grow in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. Their perception of thinking is growth and money, which is making them to work for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
an example and understand the fact, an employee who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
with a mere salary of 200000 per year and in a span of 4 years, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, with 2 promotion and a salary of 1000000 per year. Here, it is more of a pragmatic approach, where the employee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-centred
and tries to climb the ladder faster. Along the process, the employee is not gaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge that he should have picked in a particular field.

Concluding with the fact that, it's more of an individual choice of pursuing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, if it's one of my choices, than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serving
to a particular cause and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serving
till we create any difference in other peoples
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is more of a sophisticated approach.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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