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Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. v.4

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. v. 4
Every person has a different perspective of looking into a life. Likewise, they differ with the choice's they make, some dedicate their whole life to an organisation and some like to have change's in their life with different organisations. It is always one's decision, and how they want their career to be. Let's look into their different choices and how it can affect their lives. Overall, if we see there are less employee's who want to devote their whole career to an organisation, but those fewer percentages of people have a perspective of solving or serving for a cause. They spend their life doing something that will make a difference in others life. Let's take an example buttress to the above fact, the great founder of Apple organisation that is Steve Jobs. He himself created his own company, had an idea of changing peoples life by creating simple device that will revolutionize the future, same was created with Apple iPhone. Most of the population of America is iPhone users. However, the idea is, he served his whole life, creating a better platform for mobile devices. Moreover, he was a college dropout and a person with a cause to create a difference in the society. Comparing to other part, who think serving to a different organisation will help them grow in their career. Their perception of thinking is growth and money, which is making them to work for different organisation. Let's see an example and understand the fact, an employee who started his career with a mere salary of 200000 per year and in a span of 4 years, he changed 3 different organisations, with 2 promotion and a salary of 1000000 per year. Here, it is more of a pragmatic approach, where the employee gets self-centred and tries to climb the ladder faster. Along the process, the employee is not gaining enough knowledge that he should have picked in a particular field. Concluding with the fact that, it's more of an individual choice of pursuing their career, if it's one of my choices, than serving to a particular cause and serving till we create any difference in other peoples lives is more of a sophisticated approach.
Every person has a
different
perspective of looking into a
life
.
Likewise
, they differ with the choice's they
make
,
some
dedicate their whole
life
to an
organisation
and
some
like to have
change
's in their
life
with
different
organisations
. It is always one's decision, and how they want their
career
to be.
Let
's look into their
different
choices and how it can affect their
lives
.

Overall
, if we
see
there are less
employee
's who want to devote their whole
career
to an
organisation
,
but
those fewer percentages of
people
have a perspective of solving or
serving
for a cause. They spend their
life
doing something that will
make
a difference in others
life
.
Let
's take an example buttress to the above fact, the great founder of Apple
organisation
that is
Steve Jobs. He himself created his
own
company
, had an
idea
of changing peoples
life
by creating simple device that will revolutionize the future, same
was created
with Apple iPhone. Most of the population of America is iPhone users.
However
, the
idea
is, he served his whole
life
, creating a better platform for mobile devices.
Moreover
, he was a college dropout and a person with a cause to create a difference in the society.

Comparing to other part, who
think
serving
to a
different
organisation
will
help
them grow in their
career
. Their perception of thinking is growth and money, which is making them to work for
different
organisation
.
Let
's
see
an example and understand the fact, an employee who
started
his
career
with a mere salary of 200000 per year and in a span of 4 years, he
changed
3
different
organisations
, with 2 promotion and a salary of 1000000 per year. Here, it is more of a pragmatic approach, where the employee
gets
self-centred
and tries to climb the ladder faster. Along the process, the employee is not gaining
enough
knowledge that he should have picked in a particular field.

Concluding with the fact that, it's more of an individual choice of pursuing their
career
, if it's one of my choices, than
serving
to a particular cause and
serving
till we create any difference in other peoples
lives
is more of a sophisticated approach.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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