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Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientist in today’s world. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientist in today’s world. v. 1
It is argued that those who entertain people is far more paramount than experimentalists. This essay disagrees with the statement because it would be impossible to have such a convenient life without the inventions done by scientists and secondly, they sacrifice their joy, enjoyment, and freedom to create something great for society, that is why they are far more significant from entertainers. To begin with, scientists have improved our life a lot by inventing the technological advancements small things that are a great use in our daily lives. The mobile phone is the best to communicate with people who are far by distance. Also, the internet is also a small part of their creation which has contributed to many lives including to solve the problem associated with personal, social or professional life. We can solve these issues by using things that are created by scientists. That is the reason why Scientists are greater than those who amuse us. Similarly, Scientists put a lot of effort and their dedication just to bring something useful for society. Normally to complete small inventions it takes a long-time period and to do so scientists give them time to get fulfilled. on the contrary, amusers are not required to wait for and do a lot of work for so long time. For instance, practicing acting or dancing requires only a few amounts of time where scientists have to wait until the positive result will not come In conclusion, although some people believe entertainers are greater than scientists I totally discard this point of view because the timeline scientists have to give and also because of the importance of technological advancements in life.
It
is argued
that those who entertain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
far more paramount than experimentalists. This essay disagrees with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it would be impossible to have such a convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without the inventions done by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
and
secondly
, they sacrifice their joy, enjoyment, and freedom to create something great for society,
that is
why they are far more significant from entertainers.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
a lot by inventing the technological advancements
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
things that are a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The mobile phone is the best to communicate with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are far by distance.
Also
, the internet is
also
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
part of their creation which has contributed to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
including to solve the problem associated with personal, social or professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. We can solve these issues by using things that
are created
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
.
That is
the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scientists
are greater than those who amuse us.

Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scientists
put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort and their dedication
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to bring something useful for society.
Normally
to complete
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
inventions it takes a long-time period and to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
give them time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fulfilled.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
on
the contrary,
Possible spelling mistake found.
amusers
are not required to wait for and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
work for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
long time.
For instance
, practicing acting or dancing requires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few amounts of
It is better to use 'time' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "time when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
time where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait until the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
result will not
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
come


In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe entertainers are greater than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
I
totally
discard this point of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the timeline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the importance of technological advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientist in today’s world. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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