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Some believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people, while others disagree. v. 1
Since the Internet bubble during the late 1990s, the world has entered the era of unprecedented technological advancement, leading to the mounting debate on the gulf between the affluent and the impoverished. Although the role of technology in alleviating the hardship of poor people is undeniable, I am inclined toward the view that it has been, concurrently, widening the income inequality. Advocates of technology often argue that such development has improved the living conditions of the needy at a significantly fast pace. Admittedly, technological products and services are becoming ever cheaper, so now even those earning a low income can possess mobile devices and, consequently, have access to the Internet. With many free courses offered online covering a wide range of topics of academic and practical knowledge, they can gain an alternative education without attending school and paying fees, which they may be unable to afford. Besides the all-important access to education, newly developed technology can aid inhabitants of remote, deprived areas to have clean water, improve farming techniques and enjoy sustainable energy, such as hydropower and solar energy. Notwithstanding the strengths of modern technology in helping people escape poverty, I believe that it has also been, simultaneously, expanding the inequality gap. When technology develops, it has been replacing many jobs heretofore reserved for the middle- and low-income workers with robots and artificial intelligence, thereby increasing the level of unemployment, as seen in Southern Europe recently, and social unrest. Furthermore, technology-driven economies usually favour a small group of successful individuals by amplifying their talent and luck. Therefore, while development is occurring and the total incomes of such countries are growing, high-tech entrepreneurs, such as the founders of great companies like Facebook, Google or Alibaba, are seen to profit disproportionately compared with the remainder. In conclusion, I am for the idea that modern developments in technology, albeit beneficial to low-income people, have given the rich a far greater boost, which exacerbates the wealth disparity issue.
Since the Internet bubble during the late 1990s, the world has entered the era of unprecedented technological advancement, leading to the mounting debate on the gulf between the affluent and the impoverished. Although the role of
technology
in alleviating the hardship of poor
people
is undeniable, I
am inclined
toward the view that it has been,
concurrently
, widening the income inequality.

Advocates of
technology
often
argue that such development has
improved
the living conditions of the needy at a
significantly
fast
pace.
Admittedly
, technological products and services are becoming ever cheaper,
so
now
even those earning a low income can possess mobile devices and,
consequently
, have access to the Internet. With
many
free courses offered online covering a wide range of topics of academic and practical knowledge, they can gain an alternative education without attending school and paying fees, which they may be unable to afford.
Besides
the all-
important
access to education,
newly
developed
technology
can aid inhabitants of remote, deprived areas to have clean water,
improve
farming techniques and enjoy sustainable energy, such as hydropower and solar energy.

Notwithstanding the strengths of modern
technology
in helping
people
escape poverty, I believe that it has
also
been,
simultaneously
, expanding the inequality gap. When
technology
develops, it has been replacing
many
jobs heretofore reserved for the middle- and low-income workers with robots and artificial intelligence, thereby increasing the level of unemployment, as
seen
in Southern Europe recently, and social unrest.
Furthermore
, technology-driven economies
usually
favour
a
small
group of successful individuals by amplifying their talent and luck.
Therefore
, while development is occurring and the total incomes of such countries are growing, high-tech entrepreneurs, such as the founders of great
companies
like Facebook, Google or Alibaba, are
seen
to profit
disproportionately
compared with the remainder.

In conclusion
, I am for the
idea
that modern developments in
technology
, albeit beneficial to low-income
people
, have
given
the rich a far greater boost, which exacerbates the wealth disparity issue.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people, while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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