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Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organisations. v.27

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organisations. v. 27
Many people argue that majority of people prefer to work in one company all their whole lifetime of employment and this is a better option for employees. However, another group of people would prefer to work for as many as they could work to get diverse kind of experience. I would advocate the latter view for the following three main reasons. First, we need to build confidence with a variety of work experiences at our majored field. Second, we need to give us the opportunity to deal with bigger and new challenges. Finally, we need to be familiar with all types of industries to improve our knowledge and scope of learning. First of all, as I mentioned before, we should build confidence with various kind of works through facing different difficulties. If you work for only one organisation during all your lifetime, it becomes boring and monotonous and you could not challenge yourself on different occasions. Your work will become easier for you and you will not explore your hidden advantages to deal new challenges. Thus if you just adapt to your current work, you won’t be able to build your confidence. Therefore, you need to work with several companies with different responsibilities to improve and experience along with confidence. Secondly, we need to give us the opportunity to pursue bigger challenges. It is considered that there must be bigger and new chances to expand your view in the new environment. You can meet a wide range of people who came from different backgrounds. Therefore, you can learn many things to develop and inspire your mind from them. After that, it is more open to thinking wider and further to pursue bigger challenges. So you should flourish your development and always bring freshness into your knowledge and experience every single day. I can say that if you have to switch your job in a higher position in another company you should grab it. You never know what potentials are waiting for you! Finally, we need to familiar with all types of products to increase our skill and knowledge at our field. Because there are so many products and works need to familiar. If you want to promote or develop yourself efficiently you should have optimal knowledge about all of them. For instance, if you are a marketing people, there are diverse kinds of products available in the market likely: electronic, consumer goods, foods, clothes, automobiles and others. All products that I mentioned need marketing; however, they all have their own specific features and that means they have different customers and market. Therefore, you need to familiar with all industries products at your field to promote and accomplish your mission. To conclude, we would prefer to work for different companies that could share us specific advantages to build confidence as well as give us the opportunity to pursue bigger challenges and familiar with diverse kind of industries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
all their whole lifetime of employment and this is a better option for employees.
However
, another group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
as they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. I would advocate the latter view for the following three main reasons.
First
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confidence
with a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
at our majored field. Second, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to give us the opportunity to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bigger
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenges
.
Finally
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
familiar
with all types of industries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and scope of learning.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, as I mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confidence
with various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of works through facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
difficulties. If you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
during all your lifetime, it becomes boring and monotonous and you could not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenge
yourself on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
occasions. Your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will become easier for you and you will not explore your hidden advantages to deal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenges
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
if you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
adapt to your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, you won’t be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confidence
.
Therefore
, you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
responsibilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
along with confidence.

Secondly
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to give us the opportunity to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenges
. It
is considered
that there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bigger
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
chances to expand your view in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who came from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
backgrounds.
Therefore
, you can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things to develop and inspire your mind from them. After that, it is more open to thinking wider and
further
to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenges
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
you should flourish your development and always bring freshness into your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
every single day. I can say that if you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
switch your job in a higher position in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
you should grab it. You never know what potentials are waiting for you!

Finally
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
familiar
with all types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to increase our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
at our field.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and works
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
familiar
. If you want to promote or develop yourself
efficiently
you should have optimal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about all of them.
For instance
, if you are a marketing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there are diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kinds
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
available in the market likely: electronic, consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, foods, clothes, automobiles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that I mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
marketing;
however
, they all have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
specific features and that means they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
customers and market.
Therefore
, you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
familiar
with all industries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
at your field to promote and accomplish your mission.

To conclude
, we would prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that could share us specific advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confidence
as well
as give us the opportunity to pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenges
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
familiar
with diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kind
of industries.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
78Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organisations. v. 27

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
486 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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