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Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent technological developments. v.6

Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent technological developments. v. 6
Many people argue that the technological invention and development in earlier ages were more beneficial to ordinary people while others believe that the technological development in recent years is more important and helpful for mass people. In my opinion, recent advancements in technology fields are more important and helpful that they used to be in the early ages. First of all, technology is still progressing and the development of technology will continue. Earlier technology is being constantly upgraded to bring more values to the people and from this point of view, the recent development is more accessible for mass people. Secondly, the earlier technology was very expensive and mass population could not afford it. Only a few percentages of rich people could access the technology in earlier ages. But nowadays to own useful technological devices like cell phone, computer, communication devices and household appliances have become much cheaper than it used to be. Thirdly, recent technological developments are far more impressive though they are often not highlighted as the earlier technology. The invention and development of cell phones are well-known information among people while very few people understand the implication of the advancement we have made in genetic engineering and medical science. People in earlier ages had little control over the epidemic disease through the invention of TV at this time is highlighted in greater details. But the advancement of medical science to eradicate those diseases is a tremendous development in medical science that few of us understand. Finally, people in today’s world have more opportunity to develop a technology that the people in earlier ages had and thus we are improving and introducing more complex and accommodating development in technological fields that would be greatly revered in coming days. So, I opine that the development in technology in earlier ages was very important but it would be unwise to say that they were more beneficial for the mass people that the technologies that we have introduced or introduced in current days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
invention and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
were more beneficial to ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while others believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
years is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
fields are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and helpful that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be in the early ages.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
still
progressing and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
will continue.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is being
constantly
upgraded to bring more values to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and from this point of view, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
is more accessible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
population could not afford it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
a few percentages of rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could access the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
devices like cell phone, computer, communication devices and household appliances have become much cheaper than it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
are far more impressive though they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
not highlighted as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. The invention and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of cell phones are well-known information among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understand the implication of the advancement we have made in genetic engineering and medical science.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
control over the epidemic disease through the invention of TV at this time
is highlighted
in greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the advancement of medical science to eradicate those diseases is a tremendous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in medical science that few of us understand.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world have more opportunity to develop a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
had and
thus
we are improving and introducing more complex and accommodating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
fields that would be
greatly
revered in coming days.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I opine that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would be unwise to say that they were more beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
that we have introduced or introduced in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
days.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
57Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Earlier technological developments brought more benefits and changed the lives of ordinary people more than recent technological developments. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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