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Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organisations. v.25

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organisations. v. 25
In the past, people were more inclined towards working in the same organisation for their entire life. Today, different individuals have a varied opinion about the work options. Some people prefer working for same company throughout their life, while others believe in switching their companies. Both viewpoints will be critiqued before reaching a reasoned conclusion. On the one hand, there are a group of individuals who dedicate their professional life for one corporation only. The primary reason for following this is the stability which can be achieved only by working at the same place for a longer time. This will not only allow employees to gain thorough knowledge about the application but also increase the chances of recognitions and promotions. Thus, it is obvious that professional life will be at the advantage in case he is employed in the same industry for a lifetime. On the other hand, there are some individuals who believe that they are benefited by altering companies. This is because such folks can get exposure to different working environments, thereby, allowing them to get trained about different systems available in the market. This can increase the market value of an individual, resulting in receiving offers with a higher salary, and hence, financial stability can be attained at an earlier stage. In conclusion, this will enable individual to lead a successful and secure personal life. After analysing both the views, it is apparent that varying jobs should be preferred over other since it can provide better family life. Thus, it is recommended that public will keep themselves motivated for shifting industries which can help them to enjoy their life and fulfil family requirements.
In the past,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were more inclined towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the same
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
for their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
have a varied opinion about the work options.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
throughout their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, while others believe in switching their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. Both viewpoints will
be critiqued
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a reasoned conclusion.

On the one hand, there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "groups"?
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who dedicate their professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for one corporation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. The primary reason for following this is the stability which can
be achieved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at the same place for a longer time. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
employees to gain thorough knowledge about the application
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
increase the chances of recognitions and promotions.
Thus
, it is obvious that professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
will be at the advantage in case he
is employed
in the same industry for a lifetime.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
who believe that they
are benefited
by altering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such folks can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposure to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environments, thereby, allowing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trained about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
systems available in the market. This can increase the market value of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
, resulting in receiving offers with a higher salary, and
hence
, financial stability can
be attained
at an earlier stage.
In conclusion
, this will enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to lead a successful and secure personal life.

After
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
both the views, it is apparent that varying jobs should
be preferred
over other since it can provide better family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Thus
, it
is recommended
that public will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves motivated for shifting industries which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and fulfil family requirements.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think it is better to work for different organisations. v. 25

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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