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Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Other think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion v.20

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Other think that it is better to work for different organisations. 20
Many employees prefer to work for the same employer throughout their career, while the others prefer to change their work environment regularly. In my opinion, the best option would be to try a bit of both. People who are in favour of working for the same company argues that, it makes their work life easier and it also gives them an opportunity to grow within the company. In other words, working for the same company would enable an employee to bond more with a group of colleagues almost as if they are their own family. This will eventually turn everyone work environment into a happy place. Moreover, they also believe that, as they learn new skills, experience and a good rapport with people, the employee will be noticed by the upper management when a new higher position is vacant enabling them to move up the corporate ladder. Despite the benefits, others who oppose believe that, working in the same environment will make the work life boring and minimise the opportunities. To put differently, working for an extended amount of an employee's lifetime would definitely reduce the amount of people they interact with hence this will open up doors to various other benefits. In addition, moving between companies would allow them to work in various work environments which will enable them to learn a plethora of skills and eventually be highly regarded in the corporate world. For example, an uncle of mine has now worked for over 100 organisations and he is to this date being offered opportunities by companies even at 60 years of age. In conclusion, I believe that it is a good practise to move between companies so as person can find the most suited work environments. However, once it is found, it would be a wise to grow within the same company until the age of retirement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
employees prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for the same employer throughout their career, while the others prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
regularly
. In my opinion, the best option would be to try a bit of both.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
argues that, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
life easier and it
also
gives them an opportunity to grow within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
would enable an employee to bond more with a group of colleagues almost as if they are their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
family. This will
eventually
turn everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
into a happy place.
Moreover
, they
also
believe that, as they learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, experience and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
rapport with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, the employee will
be noticed
by the upper management when a new higher position is vacant enabling them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
up the corporate ladder.

Despite the benefits, others who oppose believe that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
life boring and
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the opportunities. To put
differently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for an extended amount of an employee's lifetime would definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
they interact with
hence
this will open up doors to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
benefits.
In addition
, moving between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environments
which will enable them to learn a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
eventually
be
highly
regarded in the corporate world.
For example
, an uncle of mine has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
worked for over 100
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
organisations and
he is to this date
being offered
opportunities by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
even at 60 years of age.

In conclusion
, I believe that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as person can find the most suited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environments
.
However
, once it
is found
, it would be a wise to grow within the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
until the age of retirement.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Other think that it is better to work for different organisations. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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