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Students from poot background such as rural areas often find it difficult to access to university education, so people think universities should make it easy for them to study at. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Students from poot background such as rural areas often find it difficult to access to university education, so people think universities should make it easy for them to study at. v. 1
University learning being expensive is not accessible to all, especially for one from underprivileged and rural backgrounds. To make it accessible to those, universities should come ahead. I agree with this given notion and in the forthcoming paragraphs I shall strengthen my view point with my arguments To commence with, universities are capable of providing quality discipline to the students because of the availability of resources and also it provides the scope for research work. The universities can provide the scholarship for the students who cannot afford the costly discipline, but their aims are high and they are capable of achieving them. It will be very convenient for them and to the society, as what it need is the doctors, engineers and good leaders who will run the nation. Moreover, we are heading towards an egalitarian society in which everyone should have the equal rights. If someone is capable of achieving success due to his intellectual powers, then the family's financial background should not come in its way. It becomes the duty of the university to provide support to the individuals who are the most deserving ones as right of education is right of every individual. To sum up, if someone is from a poor family, but he or she is capable of achieving success in the future, then opportunities should be provided to them by the universities which will ensure the development of the nation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
learning
If 'learning' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to be".
being
expensive is not accessible to all,
especially
for one from underprivileged and rural backgrounds. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it accessible to those,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
ahead. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
notion and in the forthcoming paragraphs I shall strengthen my view point with my arguments

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capable
of providing quality discipline to the students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the availability of resources and
also
it provides the scope for research work. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
can provide the scholarship for the students who cannot afford the costly discipline,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their aims are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
high and
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capable
of achieving them. It will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient for them and to the society, as what it
Did you mean "needs"?
need
is the doctors, engineers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
leaders who will run the nation.

Moreover
, we are heading towards an egalitarian society in which everyone should have the equal rights. If someone is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capable
of achieving success due to his intellectual powers, then the family's financial background should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in its way. It becomes the duty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to provide support to the individuals who are the most deserving ones as right of education is right of every individual.

To sum up, if someone is from a poor family,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he or she is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
capable
of achieving success in the future, then opportunities should
be provided
to them by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
which will ensure the development of the nation.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Students from poot background such as rural areas often find it difficult to access to university education, so people think universities should make it easy for them to study at. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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