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Some people work for the same organiation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people work for the same organiation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. v. 2
Many people prefer to work in the same company whilst others believe that it is better to switch companies over time. Though both the arguments look good at first glance but working for a different organization has more benefits and the essay agrees with this notion. This essay will discuss both points of view. It is true that to develop himself individual has to be in a different environment and position. This change of circumstances and responsibilities teaches a lot about how you should react in various situations. Moreover, by working for a number of organisation one can develop new skills and grow his career further. For instance, Dhirubhai Ambani worked for many oil companies during his initial days before starting his own successful Petroleum company named " Reliance" . This helped him to grow leadership and entrepreneurial skills. However, the benefits that one can get by working in one company over a long period can not be ignored. The higher-level managerial position, high salaries and many perks are some of the factors that can not be overlooked. The monetary benefit is one of the primary things that one always looks for in his late-life and this is very much highly probable with working for one company. Consider a survey conducted by TIME magazine, in which people with one or two job switches were more satisfied with their professional career. In conclusion, The monetary benefit is the major reason which makes people to work in the same company but one should always look for his overall development which can be achieved by working in many new situations rather than in the same environment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to work in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
whilst others believe that it is better to switch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
over time. Though both the arguments look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at
first
glance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
organization has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and the essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this notion. This essay will discuss both points of view.

It is true that to develop himself individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
environment and position. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of circumstances and responsibilities teaches a lot about how you should react in various situations.
Moreover
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a number of
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organisation' and 'organization') within a single text.
organisation
one can develop new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and grow his career
further
.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dhirubhai
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ambani
worked for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
oil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
during his initial days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
successful Petroleum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
named
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
Possible spelling mistake found.
Reliance&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him to grow leadership and entrepreneurial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
that one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
over a long period can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. The higher-level managerial position, high salaries and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
perks are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
factors that can not
be overlooked
. The monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
is one of the primary things that one always looks for in his late-life and this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
highly
probable with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Consider a survey conducted by TIME magazine, in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with one or two job switches were more satisfied with their professional career.

In conclusion
, The monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
is the major reason which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
one should always look for his
overall
development which can
be achieved
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new situations
rather
than in the same environment.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people work for the same organiation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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